As I alluded to in my post on Wednesday, I have been BOMBARDED with ideas to write about. One area I've been working on lately is finances and trying balance those out. By balance in this context I don't mean like balance an account, I mean balance spending habits. I've never been bad with finances by any means - the only real debt I've had is in the form of student loans. However, lately I've been on this saving splurge. With the prospect of a wedding, down payment on a home and a few other possible major purchases looming I've set VERY high financial goals for myself. There is a part of me that feels like this is causing me to avoid truly living in the moment.
Don't get me wrong, I don't ever want to be a major spender and go out to dinner every night, feel the need to blow money on alcohol, buy a new car, make major purchases I don't need, or anything like that. However, there is some merit to truly living and enjoying the money you have been given. It's almost as if I'm afraid to spend money on anything other than basic necessities. Granted I am planning to splurge on a few vacations coming up this summer, but other than that I'm fine to just get by.
There has been some fun in this - finding creative ways to make really cheap, yet very tasty meals; figuring out what inexpensive and even free things there are to do around my area; taking up new hobbies, etc. However, I want to make sure I don't become "cheap" or miserly. So I have to find my balance. I think that simply by keeping this in mind, I'll remember to find the balance between spending and saving, but just wanted to let everyone in on what's rolling around in my brain this morning.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Family Tie(down)s
Greg here.
The other day, Rachel sent me that article she was talking about on the Get Rich Slowly blog.
It was interesting to hear about another person in a situation similar to my own. So I don't confuse who I am referencing, I'm going to call the Rachel that wrote in to that blog Rachel2.
Rachel2 writes that she was in a financially stable situation, but that her parents are not. Her parents went through a divorce and were both irresponsible with their finances, squandering what they had through various means. Rachel and I can both relate to this. Both our parents have not been the best with money over the years.
The other day, Rachel sent me that article she was talking about on the Get Rich Slowly blog.
It was interesting to hear about another person in a situation similar to my own. So I don't confuse who I am referencing, I'm going to call the Rachel that wrote in to that blog Rachel2.
Rachel2 writes that she was in a financially stable situation, but that her parents are not. Her parents went through a divorce and were both irresponsible with their finances, squandering what they had through various means. Rachel and I can both relate to this. Both our parents have not been the best with money over the years.
But I am experiencing this very situation right now. My parents have been in the stages of divorce for over 2 1/2 years now. Neither talk about it much, but I suspect their reasons for dragging it out so long are the lawyer fees associated with it, and the emotional attachment my father refuses to let go of. Regardless, my mom wasn't getting what she needed in the relationship, and seeing as how shes been married three different times since she was 16, she started her mid-life crisis in full swing. She bought a new truck just when gas prices were beginning to hit all time highs. She bought a motorcycle and broke both her feet before selling it to me as my own starter bike. She bought a boat. She sold the boat. She proceeded to try motorcycling again and went through a succession of scooters that drove her straight into bankruptcy for a second time. My father gambles online, has multiple loans taken out just to be able to pay bills, and hates going to work to the point that he takes off for the smallest thing and many times does not get paid enough to pay the bills between covering loan payments and his ex-wife's child support that he didn't take care of over the years. He has gone through several elective surgeries on his legs that he insisted on--and several doctors told him he didn't need--just to get out of work, hence the loans. He is now considering bankruptcy as well.
Both of my parents shirked the responsibility of taking care of this family, so I picked up where they left off. My mom was always around to keep everybody else in check--my dad is...well...let's just call him quirky to the point of being strange, my sister is a pack rat, and my brother is only now getting a job that will actually PAY him enough money to survive (not to mention get a car so I can actually use mine instead of loaning it to him and not seeing it for a month on end). Now that she is gone, I take care of the bills, clean the house, and take care of everything. I have become my mom, and it doesn't feel good.
I remember the night she told me she was moving out. She said she just needed space and time. I told her she'd be getting all of it she needed, because once she tasted the freedom of being away from my dad, she'd never come back. Since then I have tried a few times to set up one family member or another in an apartment with her and she has shirked that as well. I hate to say I told her so, but I told her so.
And how could I co-sign for her brand new car after she declared bankruptcy?
I have been trying to find balance in this weird weird situation for the past few years. The bills and the parental political situation is exacerbated by the fact that my sister's pack rat tendencies and my dad's lack of...well, caring...and having my mom around as a maid...have made the house a complete and utter mess.
I am still trying to clean it up.
And keep sane.
So I find myself totally relating to Rachel2, and I wish I could talk to her. I want to tell her to just hang in there, and do the best she can--don't get too tied in to your family's problems, because when it comes down to it, they probably won't help you with yours. If they're being that irresponsible with their own finances, they won't have the foggiest idea about how to help you keep yours stable.
I know how that sounds, but I told you what to expect.
By the way, in the middle of this blog I received a phone call from my sister about a doctor's appointment she just got out of. More on that later, I have to go put out another fire.
Both of my parents shirked the responsibility of taking care of this family, so I picked up where they left off. My mom was always around to keep everybody else in check--my dad is...well...let's just call him quirky to the point of being strange, my sister is a pack rat, and my brother is only now getting a job that will actually PAY him enough money to survive (not to mention get a car so I can actually use mine instead of loaning it to him and not seeing it for a month on end). Now that she is gone, I take care of the bills, clean the house, and take care of everything. I have become my mom, and it doesn't feel good.
I remember the night she told me she was moving out. She said she just needed space and time. I told her she'd be getting all of it she needed, because once she tasted the freedom of being away from my dad, she'd never come back. Since then I have tried a few times to set up one family member or another in an apartment with her and she has shirked that as well. I hate to say I told her so, but I told her so.
And how could I co-sign for her brand new car after she declared bankruptcy?
I have been trying to find balance in this weird weird situation for the past few years. The bills and the parental political situation is exacerbated by the fact that my sister's pack rat tendencies and my dad's lack of...well, caring...and having my mom around as a maid...have made the house a complete and utter mess.
I am still trying to clean it up.
And keep sane.
So I find myself totally relating to Rachel2, and I wish I could talk to her. I want to tell her to just hang in there, and do the best she can--don't get too tied in to your family's problems, because when it comes down to it, they probably won't help you with yours. If they're being that irresponsible with their own finances, they won't have the foggiest idea about how to help you keep yours stable.
I know how that sounds, but I told you what to expect.
By the way, in the middle of this blog I received a phone call from my sister about a doctor's appointment she just got out of. More on that later, I have to go put out another fire.
Habitual Balance
Life has become a bit more hectic this week - I began my second semester of graduate school yesterday. I should have written on Monday, but I got lazy. So here I am, Wednesday afternoon, finally getting to sort thoughts. I'm starting to feel like I could really write about anything and everything. For me, it's not a lack of topics that hinders my writing...it is the opposite. I find so much inspiration and I want to write about it all.
Let me give you an example. I've become a regular reader of a few blogs during the past few months, namely Get Rich Slowly and Get Fit Slowly. Last Thursday evening two of those blogs posted entries discussing balance within the area of focus: finances and physical fitness. The article focusing on finances discussed a girl, ironically with the same name as me, who was experiencing an inner battle about financial values. While she was doing well, her family was not. Here is a portion of the entry which struck me most:
"Some readers will say, “Give up and move on.” Others will say, “Family comes first.” But to me (and, apparently, to Rachel), it’s not that easy. There’s a balance to be found. But how? Where is that balance? It’s a difficult question. As a reference point, I consulted my library of 141 personal finance books. Do you know how many discussed this issue? One."
This is exactly what I mean. Life is full of so many variables; the challenge, and in my opinion the rewards, from life come when it is all in line with what we value.
The other blog entry about fitness also had mention of balance:
"I mean, I know I did that stuff, but it’s not sustainable. I’m getting ahead of myself. What I need is balance."
Before this quote the author was speaking of a day when he was beginning to get ahead of himself after taking on too much at once. This entry came immediately after a weekend where he engaged in a 12 mile run followed by a 30 mile bike ride. Holy crap! I know I couldn't sustain that either, even back when I was in better physical shape. What got me about this particular quote echoes what was mentioned in my first entry: it's hard to stay in balance when we're totally focused on one thing.
That being said, here is what these two posts got me thinking (bear with me here): there has to be balance in MAINTAINING balance. You see, we can't always be equally focused on certain things. Sometimes, our health needs to be a priority, like when we are trying to lose weight or get in better shape. Once that becomes somewhat of a habit, we can then shift our focus onto another area, while still maintaining that portion of our life. This led to a discovery which may not be groundbreaking for everyone, but it was for me.
Thus, my "deep thought" for the day is this: balance is achieved through the development of habits.
Let me give you an example. I've become a regular reader of a few blogs during the past few months, namely Get Rich Slowly and Get Fit Slowly. Last Thursday evening two of those blogs posted entries discussing balance within the area of focus: finances and physical fitness. The article focusing on finances discussed a girl, ironically with the same name as me, who was experiencing an inner battle about financial values. While she was doing well, her family was not. Here is a portion of the entry which struck me most:
"Some readers will say, “Give up and move on.” Others will say, “Family comes first.” But to me (and, apparently, to Rachel), it’s not that easy. There’s a balance to be found. But how? Where is that balance? It’s a difficult question. As a reference point, I consulted my library of 141 personal finance books. Do you know how many discussed this issue? One."
This is exactly what I mean. Life is full of so many variables; the challenge, and in my opinion the rewards, from life come when it is all in line with what we value.
The other blog entry about fitness also had mention of balance:
"I mean, I know I did that stuff, but it’s not sustainable. I’m getting ahead of myself. What I need is balance."
Before this quote the author was speaking of a day when he was beginning to get ahead of himself after taking on too much at once. This entry came immediately after a weekend where he engaged in a 12 mile run followed by a 30 mile bike ride. Holy crap! I know I couldn't sustain that either, even back when I was in better physical shape. What got me about this particular quote echoes what was mentioned in my first entry: it's hard to stay in balance when we're totally focused on one thing.
That being said, here is what these two posts got me thinking (bear with me here): there has to be balance in MAINTAINING balance. You see, we can't always be equally focused on certain things. Sometimes, our health needs to be a priority, like when we are trying to lose weight or get in better shape. Once that becomes somewhat of a habit, we can then shift our focus onto another area, while still maintaining that portion of our life. This led to a discovery which may not be groundbreaking for everyone, but it was for me.
Thus, my "deep thought" for the day is this: balance is achieved through the development of habits.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Balance Buster: Comparison
I am in no way, shape or form the expert on balance. I want to co-author this blog in order to talk about the journey toward one of my life goals--to MAINTAIN balance. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis and I experience most moments of major self-discovery when I write and reflect.
Also, I want to make a disclaimer that, in contrast to Greg's posts, mine are going to seem uber-fluffy and touchy-feely. But hey, that's just how I am...and frankly, that's why we work so well. Right honey? I give Greg the little lift he needs and he brings me back down to earth when my head is WAY too far in the clouds.
Today I want to focus on the following definition of balance (the first on the list): A state of equilibrium or parity characterized by cancellation of all forces by equal opposing forces. My least favorite, and as those who are close to me can attest to, the most difficult and damaging of my "opposing forces" is an ugly, ugly feeling called jealousy. It has affected my life in many different ways, but I am going to focus on the form I often struggle with the most: comparison. I know it's only human to compare, but I do it to a fault. This has put strain not only on relationships, but also on my personal goals and dreams. I compare the way I look, the way I speak or sing, how much money I have, and even my personal faith with others, often on a more than daily basis. It's really hard to feel in balance, let alone adequate, when I consistently compare myself with someone who, in my opinion, is skinnier, prettier, more naturally talented, wealthier, or even at a more mature stage in her faith. I do this with friends, strangers, and even celebrities. It's a nasty habit. This--comparison--is the opposing force I need to cancel, or at least tame.
The one slightly positive angle is this - I find myself making comparisons in the areas where I feel least adequate and most unbalanced. For example, if I'm feeling out of balance in my physical appearance and uncomfortable with the way I look, I'll find myself pining away at pictures of beautiful women. Or if I'm feeling low in my spiritual life, I'll see women who were once spiritual mentors and feel jealous of their faith. This jealousy causes me to feel EVEN WORSE and more inadequate in these areas. I feel more ugly. I feel less spiritual.
One of the WORST instigators of this horrible affliction I have is Facebook. I am always drawn to the status messages and photo albums of the numerous people I regularly compare myself to. Not to mention that, for me, social networking sites are the cause of more wasted time than anything else...including television. Curse you addictive networking sites. Curse you!
So the ultimate question is, how can I tame this opposing force of comparison? Does anyone else struggle with this?
Also, I want to make a disclaimer that, in contrast to Greg's posts, mine are going to seem uber-fluffy and touchy-feely. But hey, that's just how I am...and frankly, that's why we work so well. Right honey? I give Greg the little lift he needs and he brings me back down to earth when my head is WAY too far in the clouds.
Today I want to focus on the following definition of balance (the first on the list): A state of equilibrium or parity characterized by cancellation of all forces by equal opposing forces. My least favorite, and as those who are close to me can attest to, the most difficult and damaging of my "opposing forces" is an ugly, ugly feeling called jealousy. It has affected my life in many different ways, but I am going to focus on the form I often struggle with the most: comparison. I know it's only human to compare, but I do it to a fault. This has put strain not only on relationships, but also on my personal goals and dreams. I compare the way I look, the way I speak or sing, how much money I have, and even my personal faith with others, often on a more than daily basis. It's really hard to feel in balance, let alone adequate, when I consistently compare myself with someone who, in my opinion, is skinnier, prettier, more naturally talented, wealthier, or even at a more mature stage in her faith. I do this with friends, strangers, and even celebrities. It's a nasty habit. This--comparison--is the opposing force I need to cancel, or at least tame.
The one slightly positive angle is this - I find myself making comparisons in the areas where I feel least adequate and most unbalanced. For example, if I'm feeling out of balance in my physical appearance and uncomfortable with the way I look, I'll find myself pining away at pictures of beautiful women. Or if I'm feeling low in my spiritual life, I'll see women who were once spiritual mentors and feel jealous of their faith. This jealousy causes me to feel EVEN WORSE and more inadequate in these areas. I feel more ugly. I feel less spiritual.
One of the WORST instigators of this horrible affliction I have is Facebook. I am always drawn to the status messages and photo albums of the numerous people I regularly compare myself to. Not to mention that, for me, social networking sites are the cause of more wasted time than anything else...including television. Curse you addictive networking sites. Curse you!
So the ultimate question is, how can I tame this opposing force of comparison? Does anyone else struggle with this?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
My Side of the Equation
Greg here.
So this is my first official blog entry. I don't believe I've ever blogged or online-journaled before, so bear with me as I figure this, and myself, out.
That's really what this blog is about--Rachel and me figuring ourselves out, and hopefully providing some answers and advice for some of you who may be in similar situations. I tend to be pretty literal and logical, so my posts may not be as lofty as my counterpart; but I believe that is needed as well to, well, balance us out.
I'm 22, in the middle of paying my way through college with a full-time waiting job (soon to expand and be even busier with an attached wine shop), and live a half hour away from Rachel up one of the busiest stretches of highway in the country. My parents are currently split up, and I have taken the responsibility of taking care of the bills, my disabled sister, and my not-so-young younger brother. It's been exceptionally hard trying to balance all of that with attempting to have some sort of social life and maintaining my relationship (as well as my sanity), but this is probably the best I've felt about my life in a very long time...maybe even my entire life.
From me, you'll hear stories, quips, bitching, cynicism...I may not always agree with Rachel, but we always figure it out.
So this is my first official blog entry. I don't believe I've ever blogged or online-journaled before, so bear with me as I figure this, and myself, out.
That's really what this blog is about--Rachel and me figuring ourselves out, and hopefully providing some answers and advice for some of you who may be in similar situations. I tend to be pretty literal and logical, so my posts may not be as lofty as my counterpart; but I believe that is needed as well to, well, balance us out.
I'm 22, in the middle of paying my way through college with a full-time waiting job (soon to expand and be even busier with an attached wine shop), and live a half hour away from Rachel up one of the busiest stretches of highway in the country. My parents are currently split up, and I have taken the responsibility of taking care of the bills, my disabled sister, and my not-so-young younger brother. It's been exceptionally hard trying to balance all of that with attempting to have some sort of social life and maintaining my relationship (as well as my sanity), but this is probably the best I've felt about my life in a very long time...maybe even my entire life.
From me, you'll hear stories, quips, bitching, cynicism...I may not always agree with Rachel, but we always figure it out.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Create a LIFE to be passionate about!
First of all a brief introduction. My name is Rachel and I am a 26-year-old woman trying to create and maintain my life of passion. However, I am not alone in this mission: I am part of a team. Our pen name is "The Lowe Writers". Cheesy or clever. I choose clever. My partner in crime, Greg, and I have been excited by the idea of blogging, and sharing our struggles, triumphs, joys, laughter, and simple advice with those willing to listen.
The specific topic of "balance", often pertaining to my lack of such, has been brought up within the constraints of my often over-packed life consistently since my time as an undergraduate student. I am taking it as a sign that perhaps this is a topic I should write about, not only because it continually crosses my path, but because it is something I struggle with constantly. Since graduation in 2004, I have been heavily consumed with finding "work" I'm passionate about. However, I am finally coming to the realization that work is only one part of my life. Yes it takes up a good chunk of my day and yes I want to like what I do, but no matter WHAT job I choose there are going to be days I hate getting up in the morning and portions of the work that I would prefer not to do. So that's why I am now placing the focus on finding passion in the design of my LIFE...in its entirety.
In my experience, the primary obstacle of creating a passionate life is a lack of balance. Sure there are numerous articles about how to balance work and family, how to balance a budget, how to achieve physical balance through Yoga, but I'm talking about the bigger picture: balancing an entire life. Our existence contains so many spheres - we have our work life, home life, love life, family life, emotional life, spiritual life, physical life, financial life, etc. How is it possible to keep all of these in check and in balance?
I believe balance is the most difficult, and most rewarding part of life. It may be easy to succeed at one thing if it becomes a sole focus. Take getting fit for example: if this was the sole focus in my life it would be easy to spend all my free time at the gym, cooking healthy meals, and paying personal trainers to help me get rid of those blasted love handles and so on and so on. But then what would happen to the other portions of my life? My love life for example. I'm sure my partner would not be happy that instead of making time for him, I am now only making time for the weight machine. Maybe at the beginning he or she will appreciate the effort because you are taking care of yourself, but soon will begin to resent the fact that they are home alone during you usual date night. Personal trainers are expensive as well, so my financial life may also be adversely affected. Physical fitness is very important, but I do not want it to be the focus of my life; I want it to be part of my life.
I'd like to take this "first" entry to focus on the meaning of balance. Yes, I am guilty of performing the cliche act of looking up the definition in an online dictionary, but to my surprise there were far more definitions than I imagined. Here are the most applicable:
1) A state of equilibrium or parity characterized by cancellation of all forces by equal opposing forces.
2) The power or means to decide and outcome by throwing one's strengths, influence, support, or the like, to one side or the other.
3) A state of bodily equilibrium or the ability to MAINTAIN bodily equilibrium.
4) A stable mental or psychological state; emotional stability.
5) A harmonizing or satisfying arrangement or proportion of parts or elements, as in a design.
6) An influence or force tending to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.
7) The difference in magnitude between opposing forces or influences.
I find it incredible that each of these definitions is so unique, yet so applicable to life. In posts to follow, my partner and I may focus on one or several of these definitions. But I felt this was a good base to start our journey of trial and discovery.
The specific topic of "balance", often pertaining to my lack of such, has been brought up within the constraints of my often over-packed life consistently since my time as an undergraduate student. I am taking it as a sign that perhaps this is a topic I should write about, not only because it continually crosses my path, but because it is something I struggle with constantly. Since graduation in 2004, I have been heavily consumed with finding "work" I'm passionate about. However, I am finally coming to the realization that work is only one part of my life. Yes it takes up a good chunk of my day and yes I want to like what I do, but no matter WHAT job I choose there are going to be days I hate getting up in the morning and portions of the work that I would prefer not to do. So that's why I am now placing the focus on finding passion in the design of my LIFE...in its entirety.
In my experience, the primary obstacle of creating a passionate life is a lack of balance. Sure there are numerous articles about how to balance work and family, how to balance a budget, how to achieve physical balance through Yoga, but I'm talking about the bigger picture: balancing an entire life. Our existence contains so many spheres - we have our work life, home life, love life, family life, emotional life, spiritual life, physical life, financial life, etc. How is it possible to keep all of these in check and in balance?
I believe balance is the most difficult, and most rewarding part of life. It may be easy to succeed at one thing if it becomes a sole focus. Take getting fit for example: if this was the sole focus in my life it would be easy to spend all my free time at the gym, cooking healthy meals, and paying personal trainers to help me get rid of those blasted love handles and so on and so on. But then what would happen to the other portions of my life? My love life for example. I'm sure my partner would not be happy that instead of making time for him, I am now only making time for the weight machine. Maybe at the beginning he or she will appreciate the effort because you are taking care of yourself, but soon will begin to resent the fact that they are home alone during you usual date night. Personal trainers are expensive as well, so my financial life may also be adversely affected. Physical fitness is very important, but I do not want it to be the focus of my life; I want it to be part of my life.
I'd like to take this "first" entry to focus on the meaning of balance. Yes, I am guilty of performing the cliche act of looking up the definition in an online dictionary, but to my surprise there were far more definitions than I imagined. Here are the most applicable:
1) A state of equilibrium or parity characterized by cancellation of all forces by equal opposing forces.
2) The power or means to decide and outcome by throwing one's strengths, influence, support, or the like, to one side or the other.
3) A state of bodily equilibrium or the ability to MAINTAIN bodily equilibrium.
4) A stable mental or psychological state; emotional stability.
5) A harmonizing or satisfying arrangement or proportion of parts or elements, as in a design.
6) An influence or force tending to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.
7) The difference in magnitude between opposing forces or influences.
I find it incredible that each of these definitions is so unique, yet so applicable to life. In posts to follow, my partner and I may focus on one or several of these definitions. But I felt this was a good base to start our journey of trial and discovery.
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