Take it Easy!

News Flash! Rachel is VERY hard on herself. VERY! A little self-disclosure here: I got an A- on my first paper in my "easier" class of the semester. But here's the funny part about it. I got an A- on my first paper in the harder class, as well. When I got an A- in the harder course, I celebrated. When I learned of the A- in the easier course, I become very, very frustrated. What was the difference in the two situations? Class average!

In the harder course, which has hundreds of pages of reading a week, and is touted as the most difficult class in the entire program by all who have thus completed it, the class average on the first paper was a B-. So I did better than everyone. In the easier course, which requires much less reading and is touted by all as a fun elective, the class average was an A+. Not to mention, the teach often looks to me for knowledge as I work in an office closely related to the subject matter. So there ya go...I kicked butt in the course where the expectations are rough and many of my classmates did not do so hot. But in comparison to classmates in the expected "fun" course, I did fairly badly. What's wrong with this picture? THEY ARE THE SAME GRADE!?!?! Why is it that in one instance I celebrate, and even call Greg to brag, and in the other, I want to go hand my head in a corner and mope!

There are two conclusions I have come to in regards to this topic:

First, I am far too much of a perfectionist when it comes to grades. FAR too much. I get so sick of moping when I don't get perfect on every paper, or do not land at the top of the class on every assignment. It's a self-made form of stress and frustration and I'm SO sick of it.

Second, I am also sick of comparing myself to others. Who cares, an A- is an A- is an A-! It's a good grade. Stop whining.

Okay, so there you go. Probably too much self-disclosure there. But somehow I trust that those of who you regularly read this blog are not surprised in the least.

Time to Tri Something New!

First of all, yes, I know that "tri" is spelled wrong in the title. It's intentional, I promise!

As some of you may know, I've been in a "health" funk for quite some time now. In fact, I've just been in a general funk, but health has been one of the primary areas. While I've gotten back into an exercise "routine", I feel like it's not enough. Eventually it will become a boring, post-work activity that I don't look forward to in the least. I think I discovered why this is the case: I'm not working toward anything. Yes, there is always the goal of weight loss, however, that is not enough anymore. I've decided to set a goal for myself: I am going to participate in a sprint triathlon in August of 2009. At first, I thought about doing an Olympic Triathlon, but I want to start small...and I also want to leave more to work toward. So here is my plan (which I am writing more for myself than anybody else):

1. Complete the Couch to 5K Training Program. This program does exactly what is says - gets me off the couch and running a little over three miles. My first goal is to be regularly running 3 miles, at least 3 times a week. Running has always been hard for me, but I think that's because I've always tried to go too hard core too fast. This gradually helps me work toward a 3 mile starting point. One I hit that, I can continually improve. This is also perfect considering the final leg of the spring triathlon is a 5K run. Once I achieve this goal, I want to reward myself with a great pair of running shoes from a store that actually watches you run and chooses the best shoe (such as Pacers, or Portland Running Company).

2. Get a bike and start riding it regularly. For the time being, financial and weather constraints may constrict me to the stationary bike at the gym, but one spring hits, I would like to get a real bike (as I will need one for the race anyway). The Spring Triathlon distance is 16 miles, so I would like to be able to comfortably ride that distance come June or July. I am already starting to save toward this goal (purchasing the bike, and needed equipment).

3. Start swimming once a week. Since I want to keep my workouts varied, I would like to start "hitting the pool" once a week or so. I need to get back in the habit of swimming long distances, as I haven't really done this since high school. This is the first and (for many people) most daunting part of the triathlon. Luckily, I had some fairly regular practice with this in high school - I know I can do it, I just need to work up to it again.

4. Participate in the "Manassas Mini Triathlon*". This will be my first real triathlon experience, and will tell me if I have enough fun to continue with this event long term. It will also give me some beginning practice with transitions and all the anxiety that comes with competition. This will also be perfect as it will be taking place around the same time I would like to start my training program.

5. Finish the "Luray Sprint Triathlon**". Depending on how I do in the mini triathlon, and how my training is progressing, I will set more specific goals closer to race time. Right now, I'm just excited to have something to train for, rather than having a very large, ambiguous goal of "being healthy".

*Mini Triathlon = 250 yard swim/4 mile bike ride/1.4 mile run
**Sprint Triathlon = 750 yard swim/16 mile bike ride/3.1 mile run

Feeling VERY Lazy

I feel so lazy as of late. Yesterday, I probably did a total of 2 hours of homework, and I know that I have much more than that to do. Luckily, Greg works today, so I have another chance to catch up...but it's nearly 3:30pm and I still haven't done anything. I've slept away half of the day.

I'm really not sure what's wrong with me, other than the fact that I HATE reading and writing when I'm forced to do it. Too bad! That doesn't stop it from needing to be done. I just really miss my free time...but then again, what do I ever do with my free time?

I really need to rediscover my interests, and find some new friends who I can hang out with on a more regular basis. I feel like most the friends I've made here are friends of convenience - either I treat them like that or they treat me like that.

Anyway, I just wanted to get some of this out so that maybe I can start on homework...knowing that I've vented a little bit. I hate feeling lazy, but the only way to conquer is to push through it.

Refining the Focus

Yesterday I discussed my determination to focus on my health. However, after an incredible talk with Greg last night I discovered that I am placing my focus in the wrong place. I need to focus on God, plain and simple. Looking back, I realize that the only time I feel like all the other "priorities" in my life were in line and in focus was when I was constantly and actively seeking God. Seriously - I remember it clearly. Summer of 2006. That was when I lost 30 pounds. That was when I loved and felt good at my job (even though it took up all my time). Therefore, I have refined my focus. I want to focus on my relationship with God because I realize that it is the right focus and the only way I will thrive at all of the things I am supposed to thrive at.

I'm realizing just how much of an up-and-down journey my spiritual life will be. Sometimes it thrives; sometimes it just plain sucks. However, even when it sucks, I need to continue seeking. Even when I find nothing, I need to continue looking. And even when I feel totally lost, I cannot stop moving.

Health, work, school and my relationship are still priorities...but before any of that can be in balance and thriving, I need to get right in my spiritual life.

Focus!

I've now realized (again) that I can only focus on one area at a time. For the last month or so, my focus has been on getting better at my job. Before that, I focused on learning how to balance work and school. While I don't think I have either of those "down pat", I've decided it is high time I focus on another area - health. So for the next however many blogs it takes, I am going to discuss health. This is partly because I learn when I write and partly because I want to feel somewhat accountable, even if it is only to those 3 random people who stumble across this blog once in a while. I want to talk about both my successes and failures.

Lately, I feel like I have had FAR more failure than success. To be honest, since I started dating, and feeling "comfortable" I have really let me health and fitness slip to the wayside. At this point, I am almost back to the shape I was in before I really took hold of my personal health in 2006. I have backtracked a LOT! Greg actually gets bummed anytime I mention this because he feels like it is his fault. Well, the only fault he has in this equation is treating me like a princess and making me realize that I will be loved no matter what I look like. Therefore, for the last year, I have not cared about keeping up my appearance and being the best "me" possible. So to Greg, for loving me unconditionally, I blame you! But that is not a bad thing...just no more "regular" late night ice cream binges, etc. etc. :)

But all the real responsibility is mine. It is my fault that I often get lazy and skip the gym - often for weeks at a time. It is my fault that I stop paying attention/caring about what I eat. It is my fault that I start neglecting my health in general. Sure there are a TON of things that would make it much easier to achieve my goal of optimal health, but those aren't options right now; so I don't want to depend on them. I need to work with what I have.

It's not like I don't know how to lose weight/keep in shape...I've done it before, very recently. For some reason though, once a person enters a serious and committed relationship, it is hard to find motivation. I constantly catch myself thinking, "Greg will love me no matter what, so if I don't want to go to the gym today, that's okay." I have displaced the understanding that I do this, I stay healthy for ME! I do this because I want to live the best life possible...not to be impressive to someone else. So this week, that is my goal - realizing that my health is my responsibility and I do it for ME!

It's like one of my favorite personal finance bloggers always says "Nobody cares about your personal finances more than you do." This also applies to health...so my mantra for this month is "Nobody cares about my personal health and well being more than I do". So until I take charge of my health, I cannot expect anyone else. So this is my...taking charge!

And on a side note, I also need to get back on track with my finances this month! So that will be one of those "secondary focus" areas, along with school and work.

I have an excuse!

I promise, I have an excuse. I just finished my "Leadership in Higher Education" course this past weekend, and I was required to write at least 3 blogs a week for the course - so as an amateur blogger, that was hard. Adding more entries into this blog would have been even harder.

Also, I sure haven't felt very "balanced" lately, so it's been hard to find inspiration to write, but I'm going to force myself to have inspiration.

In addition to all the craziness of school, I also started my new position two and a half weeks ago, and have not had much down time on the job. As I don't have internet at home, that fact has also made it difficult to write.

Now that my excuses are written down and out of the system, no more are allowed. I want to write here. I miss it. I love it.

My next post will actually be one with purpose, as you will find out when you read it. Stay tuned!

Slacker!

Yes, it's true...I've been a slacker, but only with the blog I promise! Since my last post in June I've been hired for a new job, started my next graduate school course focusing on leadership, passed the motorcycle safety course (meaning I can legally ride a motorcycle, bwahahaha) and spent time with my mom during the two weeks she was in Washington. Whew! Life has sure been full!

During this time things have been good, but they have also been bad. I've definitely had some great highs and some disastrous lows. For now, I will focus on the lows, as I seem to learn more from reflecting on times of hardship.

First thing first, I don't like how I treat my mom sometimes. I mean I know everyone gets frustrated with their parents at one time or another, but I feel like I do so more often than not. I want to learn to show her the love and respect that I really do hold in my heart instead of only exhibiting impatience.

Another low I noticed happened repeatedly during different situations: I am really, REALLY hard on myself. I beat myself up like nobody else can. This is NOT a good thing. I need to learn to hold myself to a high standard, while still going easy when times get rough. The prime example of this was during the Motorcycle Safety course. I was doing just find during practice. Sure I would get frustrated here and there when I wouldn't understand a maneuver before we moved onto the next, but I was having fun nonetheless. But the test was a whole different story. During the first exercise ("the box"), I messed up; I put the bike in the wrong gear thus making it very difficult. I didn't stall or drop the bike, but I did mess up the maneuver...and what did I do? I got frustrated at myself. This made the next two tests even harder than they should have been. By the end of the testing I was SURE I didn't pass. Greg and Megan kept assuring me that I didn't do nearly as bad as I felt I did, but they could not convince me otherwise. I did not let up on myself until that license was in my hand. This is something I have been doing since I can remember...coming out of class and swearing that I did horribly on a test, etc. It needs to stop.

Now I promise I'm not going to simply make this blog about all my problems. I know that I do a lot of things right as well. I was hired for an awesome job which I will start next month after my much needed vacation to Oregon. That is a feat! I know I was up against some tough competition. This is just the boost I need to get my professional life back on track. Some of my previous experiences have not been the most healthy and I need to snap out of that. I know I am better than I give myself credit for.

Moral of the story today is this: Go easy on yourself Rachel! If you don't believe in and root for yourself, nobody else will want to either.