While performing some intense intropsection during the past few months, I've noticed that this problem with comparison creates a majority of the other problems I often deal with: self doubt, selfishness, judging others, greed, strained relationships, and many others I haven't thought of. In fact, comparison, according to Dr. Stephen Covey, is one of the 5 metastasizing emotional cancers: criticizing, complaining, comparing, competing, and contending. Now for those of you like me who had no idea what on earth metastasizing meant before I looked it up at dictionary.com, he is talking about emotional "diseases" that spread injuriously and transform into a dangerous form. Wow. That hit the nail on the head. My issue with comparison had definitely injured other parts of my life and has had a very negative effect on my sense of worth and identity.
I've practiced comparing for more than twenty years now, so I'm pretty darn good at it. And therefore, I don't expect to be able to practice the opposite easily or immediately. But thankfully, I watched an incredible short video this afternoon that helped me think of a new way to approach people. But rather than give away the point of the video, I'd like to encourage you to watch it here - it'll only take 5 minutes of your time. I promise it's worth it!
Instead of summarizing the video, I will describe where it struck a nerve for me. For most of my life, whenever I meet someone new, the first question most often asked is "What do you do?" Now, not only is that an ambiguous question, but at the same time, it invites comparison. Becuase all of a sudden, now I'm thinking thoughts like "Wow, that sounds like a cool job. I bet he is much more happy with his professional life than me. And he probably makes way more. Which means he's better. Man I suck!". Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, "Wow, he really hates his job. I mean, I don't love my job but at least I can still get out of bed in the morning." Now, those are exaggerations, but hopefully I made my point. When I enter a conversation, or a new relationship with this attitude of comparison, I have very little hope of leaving the conversation feeling refreshed. I'll usually leave feeling diminished, or with a false sense of confidence.
I then watched another follow-up video about a man who did a "generosity experiment". One day he realized often he said no to those who needed his help, so in order to become more generous, he decided that for 30 days he was going to give to anyone who asked. Through this, he discovered that when you act a certain way, you make it a habit; for example, when you are always saying no to people, you start to become the word no. But when you instead start making yourself say yes, you become more generous. And when you become more generous, the world becomes more generous. This is when I started to ponder ways I could cultivate a mentality of abundance - how I could become less comparative? How could I see people more for who they are, instead of what I'm not?
I'm trying ot figure out how I can do an experiment that will help me cultivate a mentality and spirit of abundance. Not thinking that it's me against them, him, her, the world. But rather, it's me and them, him, her, the world. We're all here together. And there is enough for all of us. But how do I do that? Right now, I have no idea. But that's what I'm working on pondering. Let me know if you have any thoughts on the matter!
