I feel so lazy as of late. Yesterday, I probably did a total of 2 hours of homework, and I know that I have much more than that to do. Luckily, Greg works today, so I have another chance to catch up...but it's nearly 3:30pm and I still haven't done anything. I've slept away half of the day.
I'm really not sure what's wrong with me, other than the fact that I HATE reading and writing when I'm forced to do it. Too bad! That doesn't stop it from needing to be done. I just really miss my free time...but then again, what do I ever do with my free time?
I really need to rediscover my interests, and find some new friends who I can hang out with on a more regular basis. I feel like most the friends I've made here are friends of convenience - either I treat them like that or they treat me like that.
Anyway, I just wanted to get some of this out so that maybe I can start on homework...knowing that I've vented a little bit. I hate feeling lazy, but the only way to conquer is to push through it.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Refining the Focus
Yesterday I discussed my determination to focus on my health. However, after an incredible talk with Greg last night I discovered that I am placing my focus in the wrong place. I need to focus on God, plain and simple. Looking back, I realize that the only time I feel like all the other "priorities" in my life were in line and in focus was when I was constantly and actively seeking God. Seriously - I remember it clearly. Summer of 2006. That was when I lost 30 pounds. That was when I loved and felt good at my job (even though it took up all my time). Therefore, I have refined my focus. I want to focus on my relationship with God because I realize that it is the right focus and the only way I will thrive at all of the things I am supposed to thrive at.
I'm realizing just how much of an up-and-down journey my spiritual life will be. Sometimes it thrives; sometimes it just plain sucks. However, even when it sucks, I need to continue seeking. Even when I find nothing, I need to continue looking. And even when I feel totally lost, I cannot stop moving.
Health, work, school and my relationship are still priorities...but before any of that can be in balance and thriving, I need to get right in my spiritual life.
I'm realizing just how much of an up-and-down journey my spiritual life will be. Sometimes it thrives; sometimes it just plain sucks. However, even when it sucks, I need to continue seeking. Even when I find nothing, I need to continue looking. And even when I feel totally lost, I cannot stop moving.
Health, work, school and my relationship are still priorities...but before any of that can be in balance and thriving, I need to get right in my spiritual life.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Focus!
I've now realized (again) that I can only focus on one area at a time. For the last month or so, my focus has been on getting better at my job. Before that, I focused on learning how to balance work and school. While I don't think I have either of those "down pat", I've decided it is high time I focus on another area - health. So for the next however many blogs it takes, I am going to discuss health. This is partly because I learn when I write and partly because I want to feel somewhat accountable, even if it is only to those 3 random people who stumble across this blog once in a while. I want to talk about both my successes and failures.
Lately, I feel like I have had FAR more failure than success. To be honest, since I started dating, and feeling "comfortable" I have really let me health and fitness slip to the wayside. At this point, I am almost back to the shape I was in before I really took hold of my personal health in 2006. I have backtracked a LOT! Greg actually gets bummed anytime I mention this because he feels like it is his fault. Well, the only fault he has in this equation is treating me like a princess and making me realize that I will be loved no matter what I look like. Therefore, for the last year, I have not cared about keeping up my appearance and being the best "me" possible. So to Greg, for loving me unconditionally, I blame you! But that is not a bad thing...just no more "regular" late night ice cream binges, etc. etc. :)
But all the real responsibility is mine. It is my fault that I often get lazy and skip the gym - often for weeks at a time. It is my fault that I stop paying attention/caring about what I eat. It is my fault that I start neglecting my health in general. Sure there are a TON of things that would make it much easier to achieve my goal of optimal health, but those aren't options right now; so I don't want to depend on them. I need to work with what I have.
It's not like I don't know how to lose weight/keep in shape...I've done it before, very recently. For some reason though, once a person enters a serious and committed relationship, it is hard to find motivation. I constantly catch myself thinking, "Greg will love me no matter what, so if I don't want to go to the gym today, that's okay." I have displaced the understanding that I do this, I stay healthy for ME! I do this because I want to live the best life possible...not to be impressive to someone else. So this week, that is my goal - realizing that my health is my responsibility and I do it for ME!
It's like one of my favorite personal finance bloggers always says "Nobody cares about your personal finances more than you do." This also applies to health...so my mantra for this month is "Nobody cares about my personal health and well being more than I do". So until I take charge of my health, I cannot expect anyone else. So this is my...taking charge!
And on a side note, I also need to get back on track with my finances this month! So that will be one of those "secondary focus" areas, along with school and work.
Lately, I feel like I have had FAR more failure than success. To be honest, since I started dating, and feeling "comfortable" I have really let me health and fitness slip to the wayside. At this point, I am almost back to the shape I was in before I really took hold of my personal health in 2006. I have backtracked a LOT! Greg actually gets bummed anytime I mention this because he feels like it is his fault. Well, the only fault he has in this equation is treating me like a princess and making me realize that I will be loved no matter what I look like. Therefore, for the last year, I have not cared about keeping up my appearance and being the best "me" possible. So to Greg, for loving me unconditionally, I blame you! But that is not a bad thing...just no more "regular" late night ice cream binges, etc. etc. :)
But all the real responsibility is mine. It is my fault that I often get lazy and skip the gym - often for weeks at a time. It is my fault that I stop paying attention/caring about what I eat. It is my fault that I start neglecting my health in general. Sure there are a TON of things that would make it much easier to achieve my goal of optimal health, but those aren't options right now; so I don't want to depend on them. I need to work with what I have.
It's not like I don't know how to lose weight/keep in shape...I've done it before, very recently. For some reason though, once a person enters a serious and committed relationship, it is hard to find motivation. I constantly catch myself thinking, "Greg will love me no matter what, so if I don't want to go to the gym today, that's okay." I have displaced the understanding that I do this, I stay healthy for ME! I do this because I want to live the best life possible...not to be impressive to someone else. So this week, that is my goal - realizing that my health is my responsibility and I do it for ME!
It's like one of my favorite personal finance bloggers always says "Nobody cares about your personal finances more than you do." This also applies to health...so my mantra for this month is "Nobody cares about my personal health and well being more than I do". So until I take charge of my health, I cannot expect anyone else. So this is my...taking charge!
And on a side note, I also need to get back on track with my finances this month! So that will be one of those "secondary focus" areas, along with school and work.
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