New Year - New Vision

Another new year has come and gone. Like most people, I set some goals (some resolutions) for the year, but they are primarily related to continuing the internal work I was striving for last year: being a better wife, a better photographer, and a better self. And as I've been reflecting on some of these goals during the past week, I keep landing on one thought - and it's a very disturbing and disheartening thought. For the last 29.8 years, I've been striving to be someone else. "I want to take pictures like her." "I want to be as good to my husband as she is to hers." "I want to write like her." "I want her body." "I want her hair."

I don't think this realization has ever hit me as hard as it has now - as I quickly count the days until my 30th birthday. I've reflected back on the list of things I want to do before I'm 30 - my 30 before 30 list - many times in the past few months; but this week, I realized that I want one thing more than I want anything else on any list I could make. I want to like myself. Really, really like myself. I want to let all those quotes saying things like "there is only one you" sink in. I can't believe I've spent so many years trying to chase someone else's successes, trying to seriously be just like someone else.

I'm not there yet, but I know that realizing this fact on such a deep level this time is setting the stage for my 30's to be the best decade yet. This is the year of self-care and self discovery. The year where I pursue the best me there is. Where I strive to be the best wife I can be to the husband I am blessed to call mine. Where I strive to be the best photographer I can be using the eyes, the vision, the skills, and the hunger for creativity God has given me and no one else. Where I strive to love myself, my body, my hair, my flaws, my everything - because it is what I was given.

I am so thankful for this new vision. And I know that once I start trying to be the best version of myself, I'll grow in ways I never though possible. So here's to a year of being, and becoming, me!