The other day, Rachel sent me that article she was talking about on the Get Rich Slowly blog.
It was interesting to hear about another person in a situation similar to my own. So I don't confuse who I am referencing, I'm going to call the Rachel that wrote in to that blog Rachel2.
Rachel2 writes that she was in a financially stable situation, but that her parents are not. Her parents went through a divorce and were both irresponsible with their finances, squandering what they had through various means. Rachel and I can both relate to this. Both our parents have not been the best with money over the years.
But I am experiencing this very situation right now. My parents have been in the stages of divorce for over 2 1/2 years now. Neither talk about it much, but I suspect their reasons for dragging it out so long are the lawyer fees associated with it, and the emotional attachment my father refuses to let go of. Regardless, my mom wasn't getting what she needed in the relationship, and seeing as how shes been married three different times since she was 16, she started her mid-life crisis in full swing. She bought a new truck just when gas prices were beginning to hit all time highs. She bought a motorcycle and broke both her feet before selling it to me as my own starter bike. She bought a boat. She sold the boat. She proceeded to try motorcycling again and went through a succession of scooters that drove her straight into bankruptcy for a second time. My father gambles online, has multiple loans taken out just to be able to pay bills, and hates going to work to the point that he takes off for the smallest thing and many times does not get paid enough to pay the bills between covering loan payments and his ex-wife's child support that he didn't take care of over the years. He has gone through several elective surgeries on his legs that he insisted on--and several doctors told him he didn't need--just to get out of work, hence the loans. He is now considering bankruptcy as well.
Both of my parents shirked the responsibility of taking care of this family, so I picked up where they left off. My mom was always around to keep everybody else in check--my dad is...well...let's just call him quirky to the point of being strange, my sister is a pack rat, and my brother is only now getting a job that will actually PAY him enough money to survive (not to mention get a car so I can actually use mine instead of loaning it to him and not seeing it for a month on end). Now that she is gone, I take care of the bills, clean the house, and take care of everything. I have become my mom, and it doesn't feel good.
I remember the night she told me she was moving out. She said she just needed space and time. I told her she'd be getting all of it she needed, because once she tasted the freedom of being away from my dad, she'd never come back. Since then I have tried a few times to set up one family member or another in an apartment with her and she has shirked that as well. I hate to say I told her so, but I told her so.
And how could I co-sign for her brand new car after she declared bankruptcy?
I have been trying to find balance in this weird weird situation for the past few years. The bills and the parental political situation is exacerbated by the fact that my sister's pack rat tendencies and my dad's lack of...well, caring...and having my mom around as a maid...have made the house a complete and utter mess.
I am still trying to clean it up.
And keep sane.
So I find myself totally relating to Rachel2, and I wish I could talk to her. I want to tell her to just hang in there, and do the best she can--don't get too tied in to your family's problems, because when it comes down to it, they probably won't help you with yours. If they're being that irresponsible with their own finances, they won't have the foggiest idea about how to help you keep yours stable.
I know how that sounds, but I told you what to expect.
By the way, in the middle of this blog I received a phone call from my sister about a doctor's appointment she just got out of. More on that later, I have to go put out another fire.
Both of my parents shirked the responsibility of taking care of this family, so I picked up where they left off. My mom was always around to keep everybody else in check--my dad is...well...let's just call him quirky to the point of being strange, my sister is a pack rat, and my brother is only now getting a job that will actually PAY him enough money to survive (not to mention get a car so I can actually use mine instead of loaning it to him and not seeing it for a month on end). Now that she is gone, I take care of the bills, clean the house, and take care of everything. I have become my mom, and it doesn't feel good.
I remember the night she told me she was moving out. She said she just needed space and time. I told her she'd be getting all of it she needed, because once she tasted the freedom of being away from my dad, she'd never come back. Since then I have tried a few times to set up one family member or another in an apartment with her and she has shirked that as well. I hate to say I told her so, but I told her so.
And how could I co-sign for her brand new car after she declared bankruptcy?
I have been trying to find balance in this weird weird situation for the past few years. The bills and the parental political situation is exacerbated by the fact that my sister's pack rat tendencies and my dad's lack of...well, caring...and having my mom around as a maid...have made the house a complete and utter mess.
I am still trying to clean it up.
And keep sane.
So I find myself totally relating to Rachel2, and I wish I could talk to her. I want to tell her to just hang in there, and do the best she can--don't get too tied in to your family's problems, because when it comes down to it, they probably won't help you with yours. If they're being that irresponsible with their own finances, they won't have the foggiest idea about how to help you keep yours stable.
I know how that sounds, but I told you what to expect.
By the way, in the middle of this blog I received a phone call from my sister about a doctor's appointment she just got out of. More on that later, I have to go put out another fire.
1 comment:
Interesting and crazy. How many children did your father have and how long ago that he is still making child support payments? Do you know your (half) siblings?
You and Rachel are great writers, I was just surfing and came upon it.
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