Impatience

**Before I begin my thought, I've noticed that I use a lot of one-word titles. Interesting.

I don't have a scale at home. This means when I go to the gym I am determined to get a good approximation of my weight. Today I was a bit disheartened because I hadn't lost even a quarter of a pound since my last weigh-in on Tuesday. However, I forgot to think about one important fact - girls often gain weight (anywhere from 2-5 pounds in fact) during a particular timeframe each month. I realize this means I probably have lost weight, but even with that knowledge I'm still frustrated. Why do we women do this to ourselves? We finally make a huge decision to change our lifestyles and then get all bent out of shape when we don't lose 10 pounds in a week! I mean I've lost between 3-4 pounds since I started last Tuesday. That's something! I'm trying so hard to learn to accept the fact that even if I only lose 1 pound in a week, I'm still doing something very right. I'm trying to reach my goal weight by July, and even if I only lose the recommended 1-2 pounds per week I'll be well on my way there. I also don't want to consider only weight in this lifestyle change; I need to begin considering size (howt hings fit), health (how I feel), and habits (if the choices I'm making are actually sticking, or if it's another fad). So there is my goal. Now I just need to have some patience in working toward it!

In other news, it's finally spring. Yay for being outdoors!

Run Your Own Run

I went running today....and keep in mind I haven't had a good run in about a week. Last Monday, it was the perfect temperature outside so I decided to forgo the gym. Well, it was also insanely windy out and I accidentally pushed skip on my ipod (which is how I time my runs) so, it was disastrous in two ways. I went to the gym and tried again...and I did it, but JUST BARELY. Needless to say that run did not feel GOOD either. I missed my run this weekend for two reasons: 1) it was rainy and gross outside and 2) I had to drive home to get some homework I had forgotten and DC drivers do not know how to handle their cars in the rain (TRAFFIC). So I tried again this Monday, after hearing a friend tell me that treadmill runs seem shorter/easier when the system is set on random, so I tried that. Well, the prolem is, it had me going uphill for the entire first 1.5 miles. I got to a point where I was so warm and so tired I just couldn't do it anymore. All this being said, I'm proud of myself for how I have performed the last few days.

After deciding that the 2.5 miles was not going to happen on Monday, I got off the treadmill and did the reamining 15 minutes on the ellpitical. This move reminded me of how much I miss my beloved elliptical friend. So Tuesday, I went back to the gym and did 30 minutes on the elliptical - about 2 miles. Yesterday, I took a break. Then today, I was back in the gym and completed a 2.4 mile run with a bit slower pace, including a random stop in the middle to tie my rogue shoelace. I'm not the fastest runner in the world, but I've learned that I have to take it at my own pace. Just like they said in my Motorcycle Safety Course (MSF), "ride your own ride"...I needed (and still need) to learn to "run my own run". That's what I plan to do at the 5k in April! I may not run the entire thing, but gosh darn it, I'm going to finish! I am not giving up on my goal!!

In addition to stepping it up with exercise, I have been eating much better and tracking my calories again. I haven't noticed much difference yet, but it's only been a few days. Yay for small victories! My goal is to keep things sustainable and to do this for the sake of health, not the sake of weight.

Struggling and Juggling

Ugh...I seriously hate Mondays. Have I ever mentioned that before? There is something about Monday that just drains all motivation and energy from my being. Perhaps it is because on Sunday, I get to have a lazy day and either do something fun, relaxing, or very productive. And then comes Monday. This semester is especially painful because I have class until 10:00 p.m. on Mondays. So point made - I loathe the day that is Mon.

So how do I overcome this hatred? How do I force myself to start the day on a productive note that will keep me going throughout the day? How do I keep Monday from poisoning the end of my Sunday? These are questions I don't yet know the answer to! And to make matters worse today...I tried going for one of my three weekly runs (to see if that might fuel my motivation) and instead it stifled any ounce of driving force I had left. I only made it through half my run before I just could not force myself to keep going any longer. Thankfully, instead of just quitting, I just changed equipment and went on the elliptical. I will try again tomorrow and see how I do.

I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut again and I'm not sure why. I keep making excuses that I'll do better at things when I'm done with school (e.g. I'll be healthier, I'll go to the gym more, I'll cook more, etc.), but it's not like I have absolutely no time for those things now. I have gotten very, very lazy as of late. During my down time, I'm often not even doing homework...rather I'm wasting away in front of the television or screwing around online. I pretend that I am juggling so many things, but really all I have is work, school, and Greg...I don't have a whole lot else going on in my life. Well, I take that back, I do serve on a board, and try to exercise on a regular basis, so I guess that's a few other things. But the point is, I just feel like I could organize my time SO much better. I could manage myself so much better. I've tried making myself a "schedule" but I have yet to stick to it. I would very much appreciate any suggestions anyone has. In the meantime, I will make myself feel better by knowing that identifying the problem is half the battle.

In the meantime, I will re-evaluate my goals and see where I can best focus my time. And I'll also try to cut myself some slack - being hard on myself will not make things any better. :)

The Almost Awesome Birthday

It was so close! The snow was here, but we still only got a two-hour delay at work. How awesome would it have been to have a snow day for my birthday! Oh well. Anytime my birthday ends up being on a Monday, I pretty much know it's shot...especially when that Monday entails a class until 10:00 p.m. That being said, I've had some very different thoughts about birthdays as of late.

Remember when birthdays used to be such a joyous occasion? Remember when it was fun count down the hours until you turned a certain age (ahem: 21!). I do. I used to love birthdays! Recently, I've actually started to forget two things: 1) how old I am - and dating someone a great deal younger doesn't necessarily help me in that regard; 2) that my birthday is approaching. When I woke up on Monday, I seriously was like "Oh yeah, it's my birthday. I should be excited right?" All this to say, for some reason, birthdays have become pretty anticlimactic (perhaps because it means I'm getting older...AHHH!)

However, I still love having a day where you can spoil yourself for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Therefore, because my "real" birthday was overhauled by work and class, I am officially moving it to Sunday this year. Therefore, I can have a wonderful sunny day and can spend time with the people I love, relax, and do whatever the mood deems worthy.

So, this blog really had nothing to do with balance...but I think that's what's so beautiful about it. The moral of the story - if you want balance, you can't be thinking about it all the time!