I'm excited to announce that I am once again a guest author at one of my favorit blogs - 2000 Dollar Wedding.
This post, is very near and dear to my heart, as it chronicles the trials and triumphs Greg and I experienced in planning our ceremony, which to us was the most important part of the wedding. Please pop on over to this incredible blog and check out my post, Wedding vs. Marriage - The Fight for Focus, as well as the many other guest posts that have been popping up over the past few months.
Feel free to leave a comment either here or there - but let me know what you think!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Balance: A New - and Ever-Evolving - Definition
Since this blog is all about “balance” - or at least it strives to be - I think it’s important that I update my ever-evolving definition of the word. I’m just noticing this subject hasn’t gotten a lot of play in my posts since about mid-2009. Of course, they all have to do with my journey toward balance, but not many of them have discussed it in a very up-front way. To be honest, the primary reason for this is most likely my lack of focus on writing over the past year. Understandably so - experiencing several life changes at once often means other things get placed on the back burner for a while. This blog was one such item. But it’s back in front, and will be in full force as I get more experience under my wings.
But back to the purpose of the entry - an explanation of the changes to my definition. It’s kind of like how your health or auto insurance sends you that “summary of changes” statement every year to outline how the plan differs from the previous year. Well, here’s how my view of balance has changed since 2009. Balance isn’t just “work-life” balance, as most people in America would define it. Balance isn’t making an equal amount of time for family as you do for work. Balance is about finding the equilibrium between purpose and joy; finding the intersection of that which you need and that which you most deeply desire.
1. Balance is not something that will ever be perfectly achieved. Instead, it is something to be relentlessly pursued. I say this because, like many others, I think I was looking to “balance” as a state of being, rather than an ideal. Like many other meaningful parts of life, a balanced state is never truly reached. Yes, there will be times when life is more in balance than others. However, because of the transient nature of life, in order to stay balanced, we will need to be constantly adjusting our lives in order to align with our values.
2. Balance does NOT equal happiness. I think when I began this whole “pursuit of balance” gig, I had a skewed perception of what being balanced would mean - what it would look like. I thought once I “achieved” life balance, I would be happy. But happiness, like balance, is always in flux; and just because we are “happy”, it does not mean we are “full of joy”. I’m still working on my reasoning behind the differences between happiness and joy, but here is the short, rough, draft version. Happiness is short-lived, and often extrinsically generated. Joy, on the other hand, is more a state of being and often comes from internal factors such as faith and purpose. I’ll work on that more later, for a follow-up post.
3. Balance requires aid. So far, I’ve felt very alone in my quest toward balance, because I’m not very good at asking for help. If there is one thing I’ve learned along the way, it is that I will never become more balanced if I resolve to do it all by myself. Not only do I need to delegate and outsource, but I also need to find more friends, more mentors, and more advisers. When I look back on my life, I can distinctly correlate the times I felt most balanced with the times I had the closest, strongest social circles.
So there you have it; a brief summary on how the meaning of balance has changed for me during the past year (or so). I hope it continues to change as I achieve more of it in my personal and professional life, and I hope others can benefit from what I have learned as well.
But back to the purpose of the entry - an explanation of the changes to my definition. It’s kind of like how your health or auto insurance sends you that “summary of changes” statement every year to outline how the plan differs from the previous year. Well, here’s how my view of balance has changed since 2009. Balance isn’t just “work-life” balance, as most people in America would define it. Balance isn’t making an equal amount of time for family as you do for work. Balance is about finding the equilibrium between purpose and joy; finding the intersection of that which you need and that which you most deeply desire.
1. Balance is not something that will ever be perfectly achieved. Instead, it is something to be relentlessly pursued. I say this because, like many others, I think I was looking to “balance” as a state of being, rather than an ideal. Like many other meaningful parts of life, a balanced state is never truly reached. Yes, there will be times when life is more in balance than others. However, because of the transient nature of life, in order to stay balanced, we will need to be constantly adjusting our lives in order to align with our values.
2. Balance does NOT equal happiness. I think when I began this whole “pursuit of balance” gig, I had a skewed perception of what being balanced would mean - what it would look like. I thought once I “achieved” life balance, I would be happy. But happiness, like balance, is always in flux; and just because we are “happy”, it does not mean we are “full of joy”. I’m still working on my reasoning behind the differences between happiness and joy, but here is the short, rough, draft version. Happiness is short-lived, and often extrinsically generated. Joy, on the other hand, is more a state of being and often comes from internal factors such as faith and purpose. I’ll work on that more later, for a follow-up post.
3. Balance requires aid. So far, I’ve felt very alone in my quest toward balance, because I’m not very good at asking for help. If there is one thing I’ve learned along the way, it is that I will never become more balanced if I resolve to do it all by myself. Not only do I need to delegate and outsource, but I also need to find more friends, more mentors, and more advisers. When I look back on my life, I can distinctly correlate the times I felt most balanced with the times I had the closest, strongest social circles.
So there you have it; a brief summary on how the meaning of balance has changed for me during the past year (or so). I hope it continues to change as I achieve more of it in my personal and professional life, and I hope others can benefit from what I have learned as well.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
My Lenten Endeavor
I feel like I have completely lost my touch for explaining things - for telling stories - for using words.
But that statement begs the question - did I ever have this gift to begin with? I believe I did! When I was in middle school, I distinctly remember my mother telling me how when I was very young - before I was “poisoned” by the public school system - I used to correct my brother’s grammar. My brother is 5 years my senior. There are two possible explanations for this: 1) I learned great grammar from my mother; or 2) I was born with a natural gift for words. I choose to believe the latter.
Whenever I begin to ponder or question my career path, I think back on one of the more influential weeks of teaching during my time in Altensteig, Germany. The incredible speakers - Frank and Catherine Fabiano - discussed how the dreams we have as children about what we want to be when we grow up are parallels of our intended professional purpose. Often, our real calling is an echo of that childhood dream. When we are young children, we aren’t jaded by all the “No You Can’t”s and all the “truths” about the “real world”. We aren’t afraid to dream - mostly because when we are very young, nobody shoots down those dreams. But then comes adolescence, the time when we should really be focused on discovering our talents, our passions, ourselves. But guess what we run into instead? Discouragement! “You can’t do that!” “That’s not realistic!” “Very few people can make a career of that, what makes YOU special?”. Or my personal favorite, as quoted by +6 in her talk on creativity at the TED conference, “Aren’t you afraid that you’re gonna work your whole life at this craft and nothing’s ever gonna come of it and you’re gonna die on a scrap heap of broken dreams with your mouth filled with bitter ash of failure?”
And as hard as some of us may try to deny it, this crap that is so often slung sticks. It sticks to our hearts and to our souls. We start to doubt ourselves. Am I different? What am I good at? Although all the posters in the cafeteria say “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars”, or some other cheesy, feel good, Successories quote, that’s often not what we’re hearing - from peers, from parents, from teachers, or from mentors. We’re told to pursue our dreams, but with caution. We should have a plan B. We should think about what else we could do, in case that idea fails. Now while I am a planner, and also a huge fan of having a back-up one, I believe this sends the wrong message...especially this early in life. Because then we head off to college thinking something along these lines: “Well, I really want to be a Doctor, but that’s hard and requires a TON of schooling, so maybe I’ll be a science teacher instead. Actually, teaching can be really competitive too, and it also doesn’t pay a whole lot. But hey, you know what does pay a lot, and is always reliable? Business. Yeah, I’ll major in business, because then I'll have a lot of options.” So we graduate college, and start pursuing all our “options”, only to take the first job we're offered - which unfortunately poisons our creativity and confidence for years to come. And from this point forward, our career turns into a series of seemingly “smart” decisions, which lands us on the cusp of 30 with a “survivable” office job and a hellish commute.
This is exactly how I view my career path up to this point. Of course there are a few more twists and turns, but I won’t bore you with the details. But at least all of this led me to my husband, who is my real reason for wanting more out of life. Maybe I had to go through all of this to meet him. Maybe I had to go through all of this to come back around to my passions for writing and photography - or maybe not. I choose to believe the former.
I also choose to believe that life always brings us to precisely where we are supposed to be. I know I am here for a reason - in this job, in this city, in this condo. I don’t have to understand the reasons, but I must accept them. And how do I go on from here? I seek the next step. I don’t just take what is offered anymore, I SEEK the next step. Big difference. So that is what I’m doing. I’m seeking through my writing - through my photography - through my moments of silence.
And THAT is why I have chosen to both give up something and add something for the 40 days of Lent. I have chosen to give up the biggest time waster of my life - crappy television (yes, I admit that I used to indulge in it far too frequently, but no longer). And instead, the time I would usually spend watching mindless television will be spent writing, reading, and watching interesting, thought provoking films and documentaries to gain inspiration. I will rediscover myself through writing. I may never become a writer to the world, but I must become a writer for me.
And so begins my Lenten endeavor.
But that statement begs the question - did I ever have this gift to begin with? I believe I did! When I was in middle school, I distinctly remember my mother telling me how when I was very young - before I was “poisoned” by the public school system - I used to correct my brother’s grammar. My brother is 5 years my senior. There are two possible explanations for this: 1) I learned great grammar from my mother; or 2) I was born with a natural gift for words. I choose to believe the latter.
Whenever I begin to ponder or question my career path, I think back on one of the more influential weeks of teaching during my time in Altensteig, Germany. The incredible speakers - Frank and Catherine Fabiano - discussed how the dreams we have as children about what we want to be when we grow up are parallels of our intended professional purpose. Often, our real calling is an echo of that childhood dream. When we are young children, we aren’t jaded by all the “No You Can’t”s and all the “truths” about the “real world”. We aren’t afraid to dream - mostly because when we are very young, nobody shoots down those dreams. But then comes adolescence, the time when we should really be focused on discovering our talents, our passions, ourselves. But guess what we run into instead? Discouragement! “You can’t do that!” “That’s not realistic!” “Very few people can make a career of that, what makes YOU special?”. Or my personal favorite, as quoted by +6 in her talk on creativity at the TED conference, “Aren’t you afraid that you’re gonna work your whole life at this craft and nothing’s ever gonna come of it and you’re gonna die on a scrap heap of broken dreams with your mouth filled with bitter ash of failure?”
And as hard as some of us may try to deny it, this crap that is so often slung sticks. It sticks to our hearts and to our souls. We start to doubt ourselves. Am I different? What am I good at? Although all the posters in the cafeteria say “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars”, or some other cheesy, feel good, Successories quote, that’s often not what we’re hearing - from peers, from parents, from teachers, or from mentors. We’re told to pursue our dreams, but with caution. We should have a plan B. We should think about what else we could do, in case that idea fails. Now while I am a planner, and also a huge fan of having a back-up one, I believe this sends the wrong message...especially this early in life. Because then we head off to college thinking something along these lines: “Well, I really want to be a Doctor, but that’s hard and requires a TON of schooling, so maybe I’ll be a science teacher instead. Actually, teaching can be really competitive too, and it also doesn’t pay a whole lot. But hey, you know what does pay a lot, and is always reliable? Business. Yeah, I’ll major in business, because then I'll have a lot of options.” So we graduate college, and start pursuing all our “options”, only to take the first job we're offered - which unfortunately poisons our creativity and confidence for years to come. And from this point forward, our career turns into a series of seemingly “smart” decisions, which lands us on the cusp of 30 with a “survivable” office job and a hellish commute.
This is exactly how I view my career path up to this point. Of course there are a few more twists and turns, but I won’t bore you with the details. But at least all of this led me to my husband, who is my real reason for wanting more out of life. Maybe I had to go through all of this to meet him. Maybe I had to go through all of this to come back around to my passions for writing and photography - or maybe not. I choose to believe the former.
I also choose to believe that life always brings us to precisely where we are supposed to be. I know I am here for a reason - in this job, in this city, in this condo. I don’t have to understand the reasons, but I must accept them. And how do I go on from here? I seek the next step. I don’t just take what is offered anymore, I SEEK the next step. Big difference. So that is what I’m doing. I’m seeking through my writing - through my photography - through my moments of silence.
And THAT is why I have chosen to both give up something and add something for the 40 days of Lent. I have chosen to give up the biggest time waster of my life - crappy television (yes, I admit that I used to indulge in it far too frequently, but no longer). And instead, the time I would usually spend watching mindless television will be spent writing, reading, and watching interesting, thought provoking films and documentaries to gain inspiration. I will rediscover myself through writing. I may never become a writer to the world, but I must become a writer for me.
And so begins my Lenten endeavor.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Journey to Thirty
This afternoon, just before leaving work, I had one of those conversations that caused me to shift my paradigm oh so slightly. It was with a friend who is currently living and working in Germany, and a woman who has become a major role model for me in recent years. Before her 30th birthday, she resolved to lose weight and quit her job, no matter what. And she did it - in style (hence the whole Germany thing)!
So today, on the eve of my 29th birthday, I asked her a simple question: "Any tips for my last year as a 20-something?" This broad question brought on a short, but sweet and powerful conversation. First and foremost, she said to set goals; selfish goals that must absolutely be achieved by the time I reach 30!
From there, she went on to say that in the process of achieving her goals she had also, subconsciously, resolved to become more like the person she knew and loved before the DC rat race brought her down. During her time in "Corporate America" she had lost herself - lost sight of her strengths and passions. Boy doesn't THAT sound familiar?!
We discussed how she believes our generation has been wronged by those who've indoctrinated us to believe that we are failures if our work doesn't absolutely correlate with our passions. She essentially called BS, claiming that she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life or career and fully embraced that fact. I have mad respect for this woman!
I think the subsequent paradigm shift I plan to make will be the most vital one in the history of my career. I want to gravitate toward work that either: 1) allows me to indulge in my creative passions and longing to be intellectually stimulated and challenged while at work, or 2) allows me the flexibility to indulge in said passions and stimulating/challenging pursuits outside of work. THAT is where I want to focus professionally. So whether it be photography, Arbonne, a regular 9 to 5, or something completely different, I plan to find out what this means for me!
Rediscovering my passions, investing in my health, and finding a way to consistently indulge in both pursuits for the rest of my life...THIS will be my journey to 30!
Personal Reflection: Judgement and Comparison
This post is a combination of two thoughts that have been the dominating force in my mind lately - judgement and comparison. Both traits have created numerous obstacles for me throughout the entirety of my journey. While I have had some major breakthroughs, I know these traits will not magically disappear (after all, I am human). All I can do is strive to be better each day and become more comfortable and confident with myself in the process. I know I will never be perfect, but I still want to become the best Rachel possible.
I will begin with a reflection on a fellow blogger's post from December. The title, Judged If You Do; Judged If You Don't, really captures how I've been feeling lately. Granted, I'm not in the same situation as the author - who is about to give birth - but I am in the midst of some large life decisions (and will most likely be in her position a few years from now).
In essence, I'm not liking this whole "wake up, embark on a horrid commute, spend 8-10 hours at a job I don't love, leave exhausted and unmotivated, embark on the same horrid commute - only backwards, get home, do some half-hearted cleaning, eat dinner (which equates to 'quality time' with my husband), and fall asleep on the couch watching a rerun of whatever television drama is on that particular evening" routine. In fact, I loathe it! This is not the life I want; it is definitely not the life I dream about.
But this is where I'm at. And it seems that every time I get a small tinge of motivation to create a life outside the norm, I feel judged or ridiculed. But Rachel, don't you want security? Don't you want to retire? Don't you want to make a difference? Don't you want to be part of the bigger picture? [Side note: now that I work for the government, I get this push back more than ever...because government and security are synonymous in the eyes of most people]. Yes, I do desire these things; but my definitions of security, retirement, and the bigger picture are not the same as the norm society embraces.
I will begin with a reflection on a fellow blogger's post from December. The title, Judged If You Do; Judged If You Don't, really captures how I've been feeling lately. Granted, I'm not in the same situation as the author - who is about to give birth - but I am in the midst of some large life decisions (and will most likely be in her position a few years from now).
In essence, I'm not liking this whole "wake up, embark on a horrid commute, spend 8-10 hours at a job I don't love, leave exhausted and unmotivated, embark on the same horrid commute - only backwards, get home, do some half-hearted cleaning, eat dinner (which equates to 'quality time' with my husband), and fall asleep on the couch watching a rerun of whatever television drama is on that particular evening" routine. In fact, I loathe it! This is not the life I want; it is definitely not the life I dream about.
But this is where I'm at. And it seems that every time I get a small tinge of motivation to create a life outside the norm, I feel judged or ridiculed. But Rachel, don't you want security? Don't you want to retire? Don't you want to make a difference? Don't you want to be part of the bigger picture? [Side note: now that I work for the government, I get this push back more than ever...because government and security are synonymous in the eyes of most people]. Yes, I do desire these things; but my definitions of security, retirement, and the bigger picture are not the same as the norm society embraces.
Conversely, I also feel judged by those on the opposite end of the spectrum, who are currently making a life of their own, for sticking it out where I'm at until my goals and aspirations are a little more concrete. I feel pressured to dive straight in and go for it - throw caution to the wind. And so I feel stuck - trapped in this endless internal battle. Should I follow the traditional path, move toward the unestablished route, or break off in my own direction? There are pros and cons to each scenario.
As mentioned in the cited blog post, we must shift the focus from external to internal. Rather than asking how I can seem successful to others, I need to be asking how I can feel successful by my own accord. What will help me create value for others? What will allow me to give back to the world, rather than just take from it? How can I live in alignment with my most deep-seated values on a daily basis: relationships, faith, health, creativity, financial freedom, and balance? This is something only I can figure out - nobody else can do it for me. In fact, more often than not, others will try to pull me down as I get closer to my dreams. I have allowed this to knock me off track before, but as my reasons for creating this balanced life (having children and fostering a healthy family) loom closer, my motivation is at an all time high.
I will no longer allow the judgment of others - in either direction - to heavily influence me. I will base my decisions on the lifestyle my husband and I want to achieve. We will consult each other, not the world at large.
In addition to these thoughts on judgement, I've also been dealing heavily with my arch nemesis: comparison! For a while, I was allowing it to get the best of me - which is why January and February have been a bit frustrating (and lacking in reflection). However, I was listening to a motivational track in my car the other day and heard something that really stuck with me: rather than base our improvement or success on comparison with others, we must base it on comparison with ourselves. This means we should strive only to be better than we were the day before - not better than anyone else. As I have painfully learned time and time again, comparison to others will only serve to bring me down. It's time to start comparing the Rachel today with the Rachel of yesterday. Is she closer to achieving her dreams? Is she healthier, more confident, more self-aware, more experienced in her passions and talents? Is she more the Rachel I long to be?
As mentioned in the cited blog post, we must shift the focus from external to internal. Rather than asking how I can seem successful to others, I need to be asking how I can feel successful by my own accord. What will help me create value for others? What will allow me to give back to the world, rather than just take from it? How can I live in alignment with my most deep-seated values on a daily basis: relationships, faith, health, creativity, financial freedom, and balance? This is something only I can figure out - nobody else can do it for me. In fact, more often than not, others will try to pull me down as I get closer to my dreams. I have allowed this to knock me off track before, but as my reasons for creating this balanced life (having children and fostering a healthy family) loom closer, my motivation is at an all time high.
I will no longer allow the judgment of others - in either direction - to heavily influence me. I will base my decisions on the lifestyle my husband and I want to achieve. We will consult each other, not the world at large.
In addition to these thoughts on judgement, I've also been dealing heavily with my arch nemesis: comparison! For a while, I was allowing it to get the best of me - which is why January and February have been a bit frustrating (and lacking in reflection). However, I was listening to a motivational track in my car the other day and heard something that really stuck with me: rather than base our improvement or success on comparison with others, we must base it on comparison with ourselves. This means we should strive only to be better than we were the day before - not better than anyone else. As I have painfully learned time and time again, comparison to others will only serve to bring me down. It's time to start comparing the Rachel today with the Rachel of yesterday. Is she closer to achieving her dreams? Is she healthier, more confident, more self-aware, more experienced in her passions and talents? Is she more the Rachel I long to be?
Now that I'm entering the final year of my twenty-somethings, it's time to stop reflecting on these ideals and start acting. Right now, I can honestly say that for the most part, the Rachel of today IS better than the Rachel of yesterday. And with what I've got planned for this final year before I hit the big 3-0, it's only going to get better from here, regardless of who may be judging me.
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