I feel like I have completely lost my touch for explaining things - for telling stories - for using words.
But that statement begs the question - did I ever have this gift to begin with? I believe I did! When I was in middle school, I distinctly remember my mother telling me how when I was very young - before I was “poisoned” by the public school system - I used to correct my brother’s grammar. My brother is 5 years my senior. There are two possible explanations for this: 1) I learned great grammar from my mother; or 2) I was born with a natural gift for words. I choose to believe the latter.
Whenever I begin to ponder or question my career path, I think back on one of the more influential weeks of teaching during my time in Altensteig, Germany. The incredible speakers - Frank and Catherine Fabiano - discussed how the dreams we have as children about what we want to be when we grow up are parallels of our intended professional purpose. Often, our real calling is an echo of that childhood dream. When we are young children, we aren’t jaded by all the “No You Can’t”s and all the “truths” about the “real world”. We aren’t afraid to dream - mostly because when we are very young, nobody shoots down those dreams. But then comes adolescence, the time when we should really be focused on discovering our talents, our passions, ourselves. But guess what we run into instead? Discouragement! “You can’t do that!” “That’s not realistic!” “Very few people can make a career of that, what makes YOU special?”. Or my personal favorite, as quoted by +6 in her talk on creativity at the TED conference, “Aren’t you afraid that you’re gonna work your whole life at this craft and nothing’s ever gonna come of it and you’re gonna die on a scrap heap of broken dreams with your mouth filled with bitter ash of failure?”
And as hard as some of us may try to deny it, this crap that is so often slung sticks. It sticks to our hearts and to our souls. We start to doubt ourselves. Am I different? What am I good at? Although all the posters in the cafeteria say “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars”, or some other cheesy, feel good, Successories quote, that’s often not what we’re hearing - from peers, from parents, from teachers, or from mentors. We’re told to pursue our dreams, but with caution. We should have a plan B. We should think about what else we could do, in case that idea fails. Now while I am a planner, and also a huge fan of having a back-up one, I believe this sends the wrong message...especially this early in life. Because then we head off to college thinking something along these lines: “Well, I really want to be a Doctor, but that’s hard and requires a TON of schooling, so maybe I’ll be a science teacher instead. Actually, teaching can be really competitive too, and it also doesn’t pay a whole lot. But hey, you know what does pay a lot, and is always reliable? Business. Yeah, I’ll major in business, because then I'll have a lot of options.” So we graduate college, and start pursuing all our “options”, only to take the first job we're offered - which unfortunately poisons our creativity and confidence for years to come. And from this point forward, our career turns into a series of seemingly “smart” decisions, which lands us on the cusp of 30 with a “survivable” office job and a hellish commute.
This is exactly how I view my career path up to this point. Of course there are a few more twists and turns, but I won’t bore you with the details. But at least all of this led me to my husband, who is my real reason for wanting more out of life. Maybe I had to go through all of this to meet him. Maybe I had to go through all of this to come back around to my passions for writing and photography - or maybe not. I choose to believe the former.
I also choose to believe that life always brings us to precisely where we are supposed to be. I know I am here for a reason - in this job, in this city, in this condo. I don’t have to understand the reasons, but I must accept them. And how do I go on from here? I seek the next step. I don’t just take what is offered anymore, I SEEK the next step. Big difference. So that is what I’m doing. I’m seeking through my writing - through my photography - through my moments of silence.
And THAT is why I have chosen to both give up something and add something for the 40 days of Lent. I have chosen to give up the biggest time waster of my life - crappy television (yes, I admit that I used to indulge in it far too frequently, but no longer). And instead, the time I would usually spend watching mindless television will be spent writing, reading, and watching interesting, thought provoking films and documentaries to gain inspiration. I will rediscover myself through writing. I may never become a writer to the world, but I must become a writer for me.
And so begins my Lenten endeavor.
But that statement begs the question - did I ever have this gift to begin with? I believe I did! When I was in middle school, I distinctly remember my mother telling me how when I was very young - before I was “poisoned” by the public school system - I used to correct my brother’s grammar. My brother is 5 years my senior. There are two possible explanations for this: 1) I learned great grammar from my mother; or 2) I was born with a natural gift for words. I choose to believe the latter.
Whenever I begin to ponder or question my career path, I think back on one of the more influential weeks of teaching during my time in Altensteig, Germany. The incredible speakers - Frank and Catherine Fabiano - discussed how the dreams we have as children about what we want to be when we grow up are parallels of our intended professional purpose. Often, our real calling is an echo of that childhood dream. When we are young children, we aren’t jaded by all the “No You Can’t”s and all the “truths” about the “real world”. We aren’t afraid to dream - mostly because when we are very young, nobody shoots down those dreams. But then comes adolescence, the time when we should really be focused on discovering our talents, our passions, ourselves. But guess what we run into instead? Discouragement! “You can’t do that!” “That’s not realistic!” “Very few people can make a career of that, what makes YOU special?”. Or my personal favorite, as quoted by +6 in her talk on creativity at the TED conference, “Aren’t you afraid that you’re gonna work your whole life at this craft and nothing’s ever gonna come of it and you’re gonna die on a scrap heap of broken dreams with your mouth filled with bitter ash of failure?”
And as hard as some of us may try to deny it, this crap that is so often slung sticks. It sticks to our hearts and to our souls. We start to doubt ourselves. Am I different? What am I good at? Although all the posters in the cafeteria say “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars”, or some other cheesy, feel good, Successories quote, that’s often not what we’re hearing - from peers, from parents, from teachers, or from mentors. We’re told to pursue our dreams, but with caution. We should have a plan B. We should think about what else we could do, in case that idea fails. Now while I am a planner, and also a huge fan of having a back-up one, I believe this sends the wrong message...especially this early in life. Because then we head off to college thinking something along these lines: “Well, I really want to be a Doctor, but that’s hard and requires a TON of schooling, so maybe I’ll be a science teacher instead. Actually, teaching can be really competitive too, and it also doesn’t pay a whole lot. But hey, you know what does pay a lot, and is always reliable? Business. Yeah, I’ll major in business, because then I'll have a lot of options.” So we graduate college, and start pursuing all our “options”, only to take the first job we're offered - which unfortunately poisons our creativity and confidence for years to come. And from this point forward, our career turns into a series of seemingly “smart” decisions, which lands us on the cusp of 30 with a “survivable” office job and a hellish commute.
This is exactly how I view my career path up to this point. Of course there are a few more twists and turns, but I won’t bore you with the details. But at least all of this led me to my husband, who is my real reason for wanting more out of life. Maybe I had to go through all of this to meet him. Maybe I had to go through all of this to come back around to my passions for writing and photography - or maybe not. I choose to believe the former.
I also choose to believe that life always brings us to precisely where we are supposed to be. I know I am here for a reason - in this job, in this city, in this condo. I don’t have to understand the reasons, but I must accept them. And how do I go on from here? I seek the next step. I don’t just take what is offered anymore, I SEEK the next step. Big difference. So that is what I’m doing. I’m seeking through my writing - through my photography - through my moments of silence.
And THAT is why I have chosen to both give up something and add something for the 40 days of Lent. I have chosen to give up the biggest time waster of my life - crappy television (yes, I admit that I used to indulge in it far too frequently, but no longer). And instead, the time I would usually spend watching mindless television will be spent writing, reading, and watching interesting, thought provoking films and documentaries to gain inspiration. I will rediscover myself through writing. I may never become a writer to the world, but I must become a writer for me.
And so begins my Lenten endeavor.
1 comment:
This post brought to mind what I am thinking of as my Verse of 2011.
"Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?"
http://bible.cc/galatians/3-3.htm
It reminds me to follow Him through the twists and turns, that I began by giving up control and will attain my goal by leaving control in his hands.
Do I do this well? Not yet. That's why it's the verse of the year.
Post a Comment