I Live To Live

I meant to write this post yesterday, but I'm glad I didn't. I had a conversation with an old high school friend today that added to the perspective of reflection. So here are my random thoughts for today/yesterday.

I am a ball of stress. Not so much as I was in high school apparently though. I've heard from a number of old friends that they actually worried about me during those four awkward years...something I never knew before. I mean, I knew I was "overwhelmed" but I honestly believed I was good at hiding it. As I've grown older (and wiser?) I've learned that I cannot hide my emotions at all. If I'm tired, frustrated, worried, bored, excited, holding a secret...my expressions tell it to the world. Oh well, that's just me!

So the point: I've never been good at truly embracing and enjoying life. It's funny, even when I'm doing awesome things or embarking upon incredible journeys, I always feel like I'm missing something. I always fear that I'm not taking full advantage. It's silly really, and I'm not sure why it's like that. Anyone care to enlighten me?

This whole thought process came about because of article I spotted in a friends "status message" on Facebook yesterday afternoon. The entire premise of the article, entitled "It's Natures Way Of Telling Us To Chill" is the fact that instead of enjoying the snow, Washingtonians tend to get their collective panties all in a bunch. Okay, most people do when there is snow and ice on the ground during a school/work day. Understandably. However, the article encourages us to enjoy the crappy weather: allow it to slow you down for once. I will enlighten you with my favorite passage followed by some reflection. How does that sound? Awesome? Okay. Here it is:

Never let a classroom get in the way of a good education. Or work get in the way of a good life.

"I have to go to work," you say.

No, you don't. If only truly essential personnel were required to show up in the snow, 90 percent of us could stay in bed. We would not be missed.

Chill out. Let your kids show you how to make a snowman. Serve hot chocolate. Whip up snow cream. Remember that no tombstone ever read: "I wish I had gone to work instead of taking a snow day."

I take this to mean...live life the way YOU want to live, not by someone else's direction. I hate to say it, but I've been following the path of "should" for a long time. I know I should settle down, get a career, put this percentage in savings/retirement, only eat out once a week, not go out to coffee very often...blah blah blah blah. But you know what? I LIKE coffee and restaurants. I HATE saving for retirement. I'd rather live in the now! Travel, meet people, have experiences. Maybe this is why I feel like I'm always "missing" something, because there is a very adventurous part of me that feels ignored.

Now, this is where it's important for the idealistic and practical parts of my personality to blend. Of course I'd rather go experience adventurous wonders than put away for retirement, but I know that there needs to be a balance. I want adventure now AND in the future...so I need to plan for both. That's what it all comes down to...planning. Thankfully, I've gotten much, much better at planning so I think these things will get better. For me, it all comes down to recognizing that there's something wrong, recognizing that there's an imbalance.

I'd like to end with a thought I had the other night...and I think it's going to be one of my new mantras as I strive for balance in life. Greg and I were answering questions from a "Getting To Know You" book, when we came upon one that struck me as strange. It asked: "Do you eat to live or live to eat?" My answer (which I was pretty proud of btw) was "Neither! I live to live and I eat to eat." So there you go. Whatever I do from now on, I plan to do with purpose. If I'm eating...I want to eat well and enjoy every bite. If I'm running, I want to enjoy every step (even when it hurts). If I'm traveling I want to enjoy EVERY moment, whether being a tourist or laying in bed with the man of my dreams. So my newest page in the book of mantras: I live to live! Kthnxbye!