I feel so lazy as of late. Yesterday, I probably did a total of 2 hours of homework, and I know that I have much more than that to do. Luckily, Greg works today, so I have another chance to catch up...but it's nearly 3:30pm and I still haven't done anything. I've slept away half of the day.
I'm really not sure what's wrong with me, other than the fact that I HATE reading and writing when I'm forced to do it. Too bad! That doesn't stop it from needing to be done. I just really miss my free time...but then again, what do I ever do with my free time?
I really need to rediscover my interests, and find some new friends who I can hang out with on a more regular basis. I feel like most the friends I've made here are friends of convenience - either I treat them like that or they treat me like that.
Anyway, I just wanted to get some of this out so that maybe I can start on homework...knowing that I've vented a little bit. I hate feeling lazy, but the only way to conquer is to push through it.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Refining the Focus
Yesterday I discussed my determination to focus on my health. However, after an incredible talk with Greg last night I discovered that I am placing my focus in the wrong place. I need to focus on God, plain and simple. Looking back, I realize that the only time I feel like all the other "priorities" in my life were in line and in focus was when I was constantly and actively seeking God. Seriously - I remember it clearly. Summer of 2006. That was when I lost 30 pounds. That was when I loved and felt good at my job (even though it took up all my time). Therefore, I have refined my focus. I want to focus on my relationship with God because I realize that it is the right focus and the only way I will thrive at all of the things I am supposed to thrive at.
I'm realizing just how much of an up-and-down journey my spiritual life will be. Sometimes it thrives; sometimes it just plain sucks. However, even when it sucks, I need to continue seeking. Even when I find nothing, I need to continue looking. And even when I feel totally lost, I cannot stop moving.
Health, work, school and my relationship are still priorities...but before any of that can be in balance and thriving, I need to get right in my spiritual life.
I'm realizing just how much of an up-and-down journey my spiritual life will be. Sometimes it thrives; sometimes it just plain sucks. However, even when it sucks, I need to continue seeking. Even when I find nothing, I need to continue looking. And even when I feel totally lost, I cannot stop moving.
Health, work, school and my relationship are still priorities...but before any of that can be in balance and thriving, I need to get right in my spiritual life.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Focus!
I've now realized (again) that I can only focus on one area at a time. For the last month or so, my focus has been on getting better at my job. Before that, I focused on learning how to balance work and school. While I don't think I have either of those "down pat", I've decided it is high time I focus on another area - health. So for the next however many blogs it takes, I am going to discuss health. This is partly because I learn when I write and partly because I want to feel somewhat accountable, even if it is only to those 3 random people who stumble across this blog once in a while. I want to talk about both my successes and failures.
Lately, I feel like I have had FAR more failure than success. To be honest, since I started dating, and feeling "comfortable" I have really let me health and fitness slip to the wayside. At this point, I am almost back to the shape I was in before I really took hold of my personal health in 2006. I have backtracked a LOT! Greg actually gets bummed anytime I mention this because he feels like it is his fault. Well, the only fault he has in this equation is treating me like a princess and making me realize that I will be loved no matter what I look like. Therefore, for the last year, I have not cared about keeping up my appearance and being the best "me" possible. So to Greg, for loving me unconditionally, I blame you! But that is not a bad thing...just no more "regular" late night ice cream binges, etc. etc. :)
But all the real responsibility is mine. It is my fault that I often get lazy and skip the gym - often for weeks at a time. It is my fault that I stop paying attention/caring about what I eat. It is my fault that I start neglecting my health in general. Sure there are a TON of things that would make it much easier to achieve my goal of optimal health, but those aren't options right now; so I don't want to depend on them. I need to work with what I have.
It's not like I don't know how to lose weight/keep in shape...I've done it before, very recently. For some reason though, once a person enters a serious and committed relationship, it is hard to find motivation. I constantly catch myself thinking, "Greg will love me no matter what, so if I don't want to go to the gym today, that's okay." I have displaced the understanding that I do this, I stay healthy for ME! I do this because I want to live the best life possible...not to be impressive to someone else. So this week, that is my goal - realizing that my health is my responsibility and I do it for ME!
It's like one of my favorite personal finance bloggers always says "Nobody cares about your personal finances more than you do." This also applies to health...so my mantra for this month is "Nobody cares about my personal health and well being more than I do". So until I take charge of my health, I cannot expect anyone else. So this is my...taking charge!
And on a side note, I also need to get back on track with my finances this month! So that will be one of those "secondary focus" areas, along with school and work.
Lately, I feel like I have had FAR more failure than success. To be honest, since I started dating, and feeling "comfortable" I have really let me health and fitness slip to the wayside. At this point, I am almost back to the shape I was in before I really took hold of my personal health in 2006. I have backtracked a LOT! Greg actually gets bummed anytime I mention this because he feels like it is his fault. Well, the only fault he has in this equation is treating me like a princess and making me realize that I will be loved no matter what I look like. Therefore, for the last year, I have not cared about keeping up my appearance and being the best "me" possible. So to Greg, for loving me unconditionally, I blame you! But that is not a bad thing...just no more "regular" late night ice cream binges, etc. etc. :)
But all the real responsibility is mine. It is my fault that I often get lazy and skip the gym - often for weeks at a time. It is my fault that I stop paying attention/caring about what I eat. It is my fault that I start neglecting my health in general. Sure there are a TON of things that would make it much easier to achieve my goal of optimal health, but those aren't options right now; so I don't want to depend on them. I need to work with what I have.
It's not like I don't know how to lose weight/keep in shape...I've done it before, very recently. For some reason though, once a person enters a serious and committed relationship, it is hard to find motivation. I constantly catch myself thinking, "Greg will love me no matter what, so if I don't want to go to the gym today, that's okay." I have displaced the understanding that I do this, I stay healthy for ME! I do this because I want to live the best life possible...not to be impressive to someone else. So this week, that is my goal - realizing that my health is my responsibility and I do it for ME!
It's like one of my favorite personal finance bloggers always says "Nobody cares about your personal finances more than you do." This also applies to health...so my mantra for this month is "Nobody cares about my personal health and well being more than I do". So until I take charge of my health, I cannot expect anyone else. So this is my...taking charge!
And on a side note, I also need to get back on track with my finances this month! So that will be one of those "secondary focus" areas, along with school and work.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I have an excuse!
I promise, I have an excuse. I just finished my "Leadership in Higher Education" course this past weekend, and I was required to write at least 3 blogs a week for the course - so as an amateur blogger, that was hard. Adding more entries into this blog would have been even harder.
Also, I sure haven't felt very "balanced" lately, so it's been hard to find inspiration to write, but I'm going to force myself to have inspiration.
In addition to all the craziness of school, I also started my new position two and a half weeks ago, and have not had much down time on the job. As I don't have internet at home, that fact has also made it difficult to write.
Now that my excuses are written down and out of the system, no more are allowed. I want to write here. I miss it. I love it.
My next post will actually be one with purpose, as you will find out when you read it. Stay tuned!
Also, I sure haven't felt very "balanced" lately, so it's been hard to find inspiration to write, but I'm going to force myself to have inspiration.
In addition to all the craziness of school, I also started my new position two and a half weeks ago, and have not had much down time on the job. As I don't have internet at home, that fact has also made it difficult to write.
Now that my excuses are written down and out of the system, no more are allowed. I want to write here. I miss it. I love it.
My next post will actually be one with purpose, as you will find out when you read it. Stay tuned!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Slacker!
Yes, it's true...I've been a slacker, but only with the blog I promise! Since my last post in June I've been hired for a new job, started my next graduate school course focusing on leadership, passed the motorcycle safety course (meaning I can legally ride a motorcycle, bwahahaha) and spent time with my mom during the two weeks she was in Washington. Whew! Life has sure been full!
During this time things have been good, but they have also been bad. I've definitely had some great highs and some disastrous lows. For now, I will focus on the lows, as I seem to learn more from reflecting on times of hardship.
First thing first, I don't like how I treat my mom sometimes. I mean I know everyone gets frustrated with their parents at one time or another, but I feel like I do so more often than not. I want to learn to show her the love and respect that I really do hold in my heart instead of only exhibiting impatience.
Another low I noticed happened repeatedly during different situations: I am really, REALLY hard on myself. I beat myself up like nobody else can. This is NOT a good thing. I need to learn to hold myself to a high standard, while still going easy when times get rough. The prime example of this was during the Motorcycle Safety course. I was doing just find during practice. Sure I would get frustrated here and there when I wouldn't understand a maneuver before we moved onto the next, but I was having fun nonetheless. But the test was a whole different story. During the first exercise ("the box"), I messed up; I put the bike in the wrong gear thus making it very difficult. I didn't stall or drop the bike, but I did mess up the maneuver...and what did I do? I got frustrated at myself. This made the next two tests even harder than they should have been. By the end of the testing I was SURE I didn't pass. Greg and Megan kept assuring me that I didn't do nearly as bad as I felt I did, but they could not convince me otherwise. I did not let up on myself until that license was in my hand. This is something I have been doing since I can remember...coming out of class and swearing that I did horribly on a test, etc. It needs to stop.
Now I promise I'm not going to simply make this blog about all my problems. I know that I do a lot of things right as well. I was hired for an awesome job which I will start next month after my much needed vacation to Oregon. That is a feat! I know I was up against some tough competition. This is just the boost I need to get my professional life back on track. Some of my previous experiences have not been the most healthy and I need to snap out of that. I know I am better than I give myself credit for.
Moral of the story today is this: Go easy on yourself Rachel! If you don't believe in and root for yourself, nobody else will want to either.
During this time things have been good, but they have also been bad. I've definitely had some great highs and some disastrous lows. For now, I will focus on the lows, as I seem to learn more from reflecting on times of hardship.
First thing first, I don't like how I treat my mom sometimes. I mean I know everyone gets frustrated with their parents at one time or another, but I feel like I do so more often than not. I want to learn to show her the love and respect that I really do hold in my heart instead of only exhibiting impatience.
Another low I noticed happened repeatedly during different situations: I am really, REALLY hard on myself. I beat myself up like nobody else can. This is NOT a good thing. I need to learn to hold myself to a high standard, while still going easy when times get rough. The prime example of this was during the Motorcycle Safety course. I was doing just find during practice. Sure I would get frustrated here and there when I wouldn't understand a maneuver before we moved onto the next, but I was having fun nonetheless. But the test was a whole different story. During the first exercise ("the box"), I messed up; I put the bike in the wrong gear thus making it very difficult. I didn't stall or drop the bike, but I did mess up the maneuver...and what did I do? I got frustrated at myself. This made the next two tests even harder than they should have been. By the end of the testing I was SURE I didn't pass. Greg and Megan kept assuring me that I didn't do nearly as bad as I felt I did, but they could not convince me otherwise. I did not let up on myself until that license was in my hand. This is something I have been doing since I can remember...coming out of class and swearing that I did horribly on a test, etc. It needs to stop.
Now I promise I'm not going to simply make this blog about all my problems. I know that I do a lot of things right as well. I was hired for an awesome job which I will start next month after my much needed vacation to Oregon. That is a feat! I know I was up against some tough competition. This is just the boost I need to get my professional life back on track. Some of my previous experiences have not been the most healthy and I need to snap out of that. I know I am better than I give myself credit for.
Moral of the story today is this: Go easy on yourself Rachel! If you don't believe in and root for yourself, nobody else will want to either.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Taking Time For Myself
So I'm getting off work early today. Usually on a day like this I would go home and lay around all night until Greg got off work - then on Saturday I would feel completely unfulfilled because on the evening before I took no time for myself. Well not today!
Today I am going to do two very productive and fun things. First, I am going to visit two museums right by my work (considering our office is literally blocks from the National Mall). I'm heading to the National Gallery of Art first to see a really interesting photography exhibit by Richard Misrach. The exhibit is called "Ocean Views" and is a collection of a bunch of photographs taken of people on the beach. I didn't find the title too interesting, but after I read the description I knew I had to see it:
"For more than thirty years, the American photographer Richard Misrach (b. 1949) has made provocative work that addresses contemporary society's relationship to nature, especially the American West. Since 2001, he has made a series of large scale (six by ten feet), lushly colored photographs of swimmers and sunbathers in Hawaii. Looking down from a hotel room directly adjacent to the beach, he has eliminated all references to the horizon and sky to record people immersed in the idyllic environment. Yet, despite the beauty of the scene, a strange sense of disquietude pervades these photographs. Made in the days immediately after September 11, 2001, these photographs speak of the unease and sense of foreboding that pervaded the country after the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The title of the series, On the Beach, is drawn from Nevil Shute's cold war novel about nuclear holocaust. This exhibition will present 19 of these photographs."
WOW! I'm really excited about this. It makes me want to see more of his exhibits. I think I just might.
After that it's off to the Museum of Natural History where I will see a photography exhibit entitled "Ocean Views". Pretty self explanatory, it is a bunch of nature photographs taken both beneath and on the surface of the ocean. Humorous how they coincide so well. While I'm sure I will look at other things along the way, these are the two exhibits I will set out to see. No longer will I go home and sulk rather than taking advantage of my incredible surroundings!
Then on the way home I will stop off at Pentagon City for an adventure of another kind: shopping for a business suit. I have a really exciting job interview next week and I want to enter into it feeling as professional and confident as possible.
This should be an great evening. I am excited. Doesn't it make you want to go out and enjoy time to yourself?
Today I am going to do two very productive and fun things. First, I am going to visit two museums right by my work (considering our office is literally blocks from the National Mall). I'm heading to the National Gallery of Art first to see a really interesting photography exhibit by Richard Misrach. The exhibit is called "Ocean Views" and is a collection of a bunch of photographs taken of people on the beach. I didn't find the title too interesting, but after I read the description I knew I had to see it:
"For more than thirty years, the American photographer Richard Misrach (b. 1949) has made provocative work that addresses contemporary society's relationship to nature, especially the American West. Since 2001, he has made a series of large scale (six by ten feet), lushly colored photographs of swimmers and sunbathers in Hawaii. Looking down from a hotel room directly adjacent to the beach, he has eliminated all references to the horizon and sky to record people immersed in the idyllic environment. Yet, despite the beauty of the scene, a strange sense of disquietude pervades these photographs. Made in the days immediately after September 11, 2001, these photographs speak of the unease and sense of foreboding that pervaded the country after the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The title of the series, On the Beach, is drawn from Nevil Shute's cold war novel about nuclear holocaust. This exhibition will present 19 of these photographs."
WOW! I'm really excited about this. It makes me want to see more of his exhibits. I think I just might.
After that it's off to the Museum of Natural History where I will see a photography exhibit entitled "Ocean Views". Pretty self explanatory, it is a bunch of nature photographs taken both beneath and on the surface of the ocean. Humorous how they coincide so well. While I'm sure I will look at other things along the way, these are the two exhibits I will set out to see. No longer will I go home and sulk rather than taking advantage of my incredible surroundings!
Then on the way home I will stop off at Pentagon City for an adventure of another kind: shopping for a business suit. I have a really exciting job interview next week and I want to enter into it feeling as professional and confident as possible.
This should be an great evening. I am excited. Doesn't it make you want to go out and enjoy time to yourself?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Spark of Inspiration
I had a job interview today. Although I'm not sure how it went yet (I should know by next week), that is not the point of this blog. The point is, I've been in a MAJOR rut for...oh...2 years or so! Now, some parts of my life have definitely taken off, especially my love life and my academic life. However, the professional part of my life is still struggling, to say the least.
So the interview today reminded me of a real goal, and mission for my life. To be the most passionate, intriguing and fulfilled person possible. I want to have a job that is challenging, engaging, intellectual and fun. I want to ride a motorcycle to work. I want to be in the church choir. I want to be a hiker. I want to be half of the cutest couple on earth. I want to travel and live abroad. I want to be active and healthy, well into my 90's. I want to love my life - EVERY part of it.
Now this isn't to say there won't be parts of my job, the church choir, the hiking, the exercise, some of the travel experiences, and my relationships that will be unenjoyable. However, the overall tone of my life will be balanced and enjoyable.
So there you have it. I'm inspired to achieve these goals. I want to live a passionate, intriguing, and fulfilling life!
So the interview today reminded me of a real goal, and mission for my life. To be the most passionate, intriguing and fulfilled person possible. I want to have a job that is challenging, engaging, intellectual and fun. I want to ride a motorcycle to work. I want to be in the church choir. I want to be a hiker. I want to be half of the cutest couple on earth. I want to travel and live abroad. I want to be active and healthy, well into my 90's. I want to love my life - EVERY part of it.
Now this isn't to say there won't be parts of my job, the church choir, the hiking, the exercise, some of the travel experiences, and my relationships that will be unenjoyable. However, the overall tone of my life will be balanced and enjoyable.
So there you have it. I'm inspired to achieve these goals. I want to live a passionate, intriguing, and fulfilling life!
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