Moving Forward Again!

This week has gone well. I've been eating well and tracking my calories again. But even better, and more important, I can feel my attitude improving! I WANT to be healthy again - it's not a chore. I WANT to make the right decisions like eating well, maintaining a certain caloric intake, and going to the gym. What a great feeling! Now I'm not going to kid myself and act like I'll never slide again, because I know I will...but now I know what it feels like, and how to pull out of it faster.

I read a great article at SparkPeople today that described exactly what happened to me - it's called "Toxic Guilt". In essence, rather than hearing my conscience speak BEFORE I did something silly (like fool around online instead of go to the gym, or eat a big vat of fries instead of salad), it had no choice but to start beating me into submission after the fact, because I didn't listen. It said, "Rachel, why did you do that? Now you feel like crap don't you. Well good, then don't do it again!" But instead of this having a positive effect on me, it backfired. See, I'm like a majority of the population - when I don't feel good about myself (especially my weight) I eat. I eat whatever sounds good, whatever I want, and whatever is available...and these items are usually not the most healthy. So I would drown out my conscience even more, until I woke up feeling like crap the next morning, and so on and so forth until I feel totally lost. Oy vey! At this point, my poor, poor neglected conscience has no choice but to yell at me more, thus continuing the downward spiral until I take the reigns again and CHOOSE to stop the cycle.

I thoroughly enjoyed the three step process the author of this article gave for "ending the toxic guilt trip". They are:

1. When you start to hear something that might be your quiet conscience, stop for a minute and ask yourself, "Is this what I REALLY want to do?" Most of the time I would probably say no, but I never even give myself time to think about it - I'm too hungry, stressed, or defeated to think about it. I just want that instant gratification! Ah, the curse of humanity. So from now on, I will try to sharpen my poor conscience so I can sharpen it and better myself. (Subsequently, this is also what's been happening to me in the morning - my conscience is telling me to get up with the alarm, but I want ot keep sleeping - with full knowledge that it's not going to do me an ounce of good - so I do! No more!)

2. If you agree with the voice, decide not to do the action in question. If you disagree, DECIDE to do it. And if you're not sure, try to postpone the decision until you've had more time to sort it out. Yeah. I need to agree with it, because my conscience is ALMOST ALWAYS right. Sorry conscience!!

3. After you've made your decision, act! Take a few more seconds to notice how you feel about what you just did. File this in the memory banks for future reference. See, I do this, but only when I feel good about what I do...sadly that bank is FAR from full. I need to learn to do this when I feel badly about the decision as well, instead of pushing away the guilt - I need to allow the feeling to do it's job.

These steps apply to many areas of my life, not just diet/exercise. This applies to my recent "Unproductive Saturday" binge. After I watch the stupid, brainless VH1 show that actually decreases my intelligence, I need to do my schoolwork, so I don't stress myself out the rest of the week. I need to wake up in the mornings. I need to go to the gym. I need to treat Greg the way I know he deserves to be treated (and the way I WANT to treat him) no matter how I'm feeling or how bad of a day I had. I need to call my family more. I need to continue developing myself. I need to utilize my time better and stay more organized. I need to wash the dishes. I need to go out with friends more. You get the point....

Thanks SparkPeople. As always you have succeeded in boosting my motivation factor, once I gave you a chance!

Finding the Balance

After all, that is what this blog is all about right? Honestly, I've been doing "okay" since my post about 3 weeks ago. I've had some very good days, and some days where I thought "Ah, heck with it! I want a burger!" Overall, I've felt good about myself. I'd like to workout more, but my work that will come when I make it a priority. I'm not sure that I'll reach my goal, but to be honest, I'm more concerned with the journey. So that's my update for now, because I've got a lot of other items on the brain.

I think a large part of my apparent "lack of prioritization" lately is that I feel like I've lost my soul. Don't get me wrong, my job is decent, and I'm very thankful for it...but I have yet to do work that I feel even somewhat passionate about. I feel like I'm making no impact, and impact is very important to me. I'm also not a "sit in the background" type person - I like to be where the action is. For a majority of my professional career, I've felt bad about that, but I won't allow it anymore...that's who I am. I'm a take action, get it done, go for it type of person. I am NOT a "sit back and do the logistics type of person. Anyone who knows me well should pick up on that pretty quick. So why can't I?

I'm planning on having some REAL conversations with some co-workers outside my realm soon. I'm done with my degree in December and I'm ready to move into some work where I'm really utilized. I want to go home (or to the gym) at the end of the day feeling like I've really earned my paycheck every day. There are numerous areas I'm looking into, and I want to consider them all very seriously; I'm not sad to say that administrative support is not one of them...although I do like having a fair deal of customer service in my role. I'm looking forward to these talks and where they may lead. I'm also seriously considering looking into the "creative" side of things - I love to write, I love to read, I love to take pictures, I love to scrapbook...why the heck not; let's see if some of those things can be put to use!

So in essence, I might be on here more while I consider all these varied options, and I might not. I hope to be, since I sort things out best when I write, but I haven't been making it a priority as of late (which is obvious). Once my priorities are a bit more in check, you'll see more of me. So if you haven't seen much activity on here, feel free to send me an electronic kick-in-the butt. Or if you have any ideas of what you think I might be good at, feel free to let me know...I feel as though I have numerous blind spots right now. Thanks for reading!

New Blog Focus.....for now

There is one area of my life that I've been struggling with, and desperately want to make it a priority. I thank my amazing friend Jessica for inspiring me to continue on the journey, rather than standing still or moving backwards, as I have been. I want to be healthy again....and not just to lose weight, but to really feel like I'm in control of my health - especially my habits.

So I am thus forth challenging myself to write on this blog AT LEAST once a week to chronicle how I did that particular week - strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures, inspiration and hardships.

You see, the reason I've been stagnant for so long (since about June) is because I feel like I have ZERO motivation. Part of this is because I don't have a lot of physical support. Greg is wonderful and supports me whenever I bring it up (and he's even bought me a couple of GREAT books to help come up with recipes etc.) but at the same time, I lack that inner motivation you can only find when really partnering in the journey. I also have a lot of motivation via sparkpeople, but that's online...and only relevant when I check the website (which has been sporadic at best). So therefore, I am vowing to form a partnership with myself...and anyone who reads this blog.

Let's evaluate this week thus far. I've been doing fairly well on the eating front. I'm not sure how well as I have not been tracking my food on the wonderful website mentioned above. I feel fairly confident about my eating and am only splurging every once in a while. Exercise is a whole different story. I haven't been to the gym in about two weeks, I rarely walk home anymore (because the boy has been picking me up a lot), and I sit on my butt all day at work. I'm struggling to find a way to vary my workouts so I don't become bored and unchallenged, which at the same time trying to deal with the fact that I hate the gym I belong to. I'm hoping to change that in the near future, but I can't just sit around until that point. So I need to suck it up and get in a routine PRONTO! So this week I will be better about tracking food and get back to the gym. No specifics, just getting back in the swing of things.

Keep posted for regular updates.

Finally coming up for air....

....but I'm not sure I like what I'm seeing. I have been so consumed with work and school lately that I have neglected the parts of my life that I love to focus on most - my relationship(s) and my health. Now, when I say I've neglected my "relationship(s)", I don't mean that they are bad in any way, but rather that I have not been able to put the amount of energy I want into them. Since I find relationships to be one of, if not THE, most rewarding endeavors on this Earth, it's hard when I'm not able to put focus there. I have not been able to display romance to the love of my life the way I would like to. I have not been able to deepen and cultivate the few meaningful friendship I have on this coast. And I definitely have not been strengthening my relationship with God they way I want or need to. So yeah...I'll be glad when I can switch gears.

Additionally, my health routine has been like a yo-yo. I'm GREAT one week, cruddy the next. I just need to change my mindset. I thought I was there, but I'm not. But then again, has anyone ever really arrived at a stage where healthy choices are no longer tough? Where they will take the banana over the milkshake on a hot summer day in the park? Or the whole wheat, turkey sandwich over the Five Guys burger? No, I'm not saying I haven't had my moments where I truly craved the healthier options, but I'm not there now. So I guess I'm pondering whether or not there is a point where you will crave the healthy option EVERY time. I may never discover the answer to this.

I think what has made it most difficult is that, we as humans only have so much willpower. This semester has been rough, both at work and at school, so much of my willpower has been going toward those endeavors, so I don't have as much left when it reaches the end of the day and I can choose to hang out with a friend, do something romantic, or go to the gym. Sometimes I'd rather just go home, eat some pizza or whatever, and go to bed. But I have to rearrange my priorities.

Okay, I know this is a very frazzled, random post, but I guess that's a pretty clear snapshot into my head right now. I'm gonna walk home, eat something nutritious, and do something good for myself, so I have the energy to put toward health and relationships.

So there you have it...I'm up for air. Hopefully now that I'm taking in oxygen again, I'll be posting more often as well - but no promises. :)

Reframing Disappointment

Thankfully, the time for being overwhelmed is over. However, the time for frustration has commenced. Yesterday, I was informed of what I believe to be an unfair grade. Instead of pouting and whining in my usual way, which I will admit I did for a while, I am trying to learn from the situation, realizing that it will not be the end of the world and won't prevent me from graduating...so why waste my time. As many of you may know, I learn and reflect best through writing, so I want to share the situation here.

Yesterday, I went to pick up my final paper/course grade from the Graduate School of Education and Human Development building. This class was a hard course, so I wasn't expecting an A, but an A- or B+ would have been nice to see. However, instead I saw a "B" for my final paper and a "B-" for my course grade with absolutely no explanation. I promptly e-mailed the professor yesterday morning, but did not hear back until about 4:30 p.m. When we spoke, he told me of a situation that I was surprised he was upset with. The gist of the story is this: I had a lot of friends who had previously taken his course and, being the person I am, I talk to them outside of class. One person mentioned a principle we had not yet talked about in class because it directly related to some of the ideas I was contemplating for my case study. Being the curious soul that I am, I asked her to explain and she did. Somewhat forgetting this situation, we started going over these concepts in class and when he asked the question about the concept my friend and I had discussed, I answered, probably too quickly I will admit. Because I was unable to answer how I figured that out to his liking, and didn't scream out "I talked to someone else about these concepts out of class", and also because I didn't go up to him after class and apologize, he pretty much tanked my class participation grade. In his opinion, it disrupted class and prevented valuable discussion and learning from taking place. I can understand where he is coming from to an extent, but at the same time, if he was troubled by that, he should have said that after class. All in all, I did learn some lessons, but I don't feel I should be "punished" for my action. I believe the rest of my engaged participation should at LEAST neutralize this supposed negative instance. I don't know, I'm a bit disturbed by the whole situation, but it's completely out of my hands now.

So what can I learn from this situation. There are a lot of completely sarcastic answers I could offer. However, at the end of the day, I will learn to humble myself and admit when I'm wrong. And I will also TRY and learn to not take grades so personally, but still work hard to do the best I can. Overall, grades are subjective, so it's hard.

That being said, let's all hope my professor accepts my apology.

Feeling Overwhelmed...And Just Dealing With It!

So, I've got a lot going on in the next few weeks. Usually when this kind of thing happens I get totally stressed out and take it out on those around me - especially poor Greg. But not this time. I'm doing what I need to do, even though it won't be super fun. Yes, yes, I'm actually using a vacation day to sit at Panera Bread and write a freaking case study. However, I know that since it won't be a Saturday, I'll actually get something done.

I think my brain has begun to protest Saturdays. No matter how hard I try sometimes, I just can't be productive. It stinks like nothing I've ever experienced. That being said, I really need to start utilizing my weeknights better, especially during the summer term. Thankfully, I'll only have one class fall term; that will be a treat. And then after December, I don't "have" to take any more classes. I probably will because I'm just that big of a nerd, but I can audit, or not worry about the grade affecting my GPA.

So yeah, life is pretty good, and I'm finally learning to deal with stress. I've been much more productive at work, I've been losing weight consistently, and Greg and I have finally perfected our mid-week escape - Wednesday date nights!

I apologize for the lack of blogs...and I know I always say that. I've just been busy trying to keep my life balanced which, after all, is the whole point of this blog. :)

My First 5k!!!!!

Notice the 5 exclamation marks....yeah, I did!

Tomorrow morning bright and early, I will be running my first ever 5k race. I hope this is the first of many in my transition to a more active lifestyle. If you are awake at 8:30 am EST (5:30 am PST), feel free to send good thoughts my way. I plan to a write and informative blog post about my experience soon. Oh, and I also plan on blogging a LOT more often once this darned semester is over in the 3 weeks. Until then - I'll try my best!

Impatience

**Before I begin my thought, I've noticed that I use a lot of one-word titles. Interesting.

I don't have a scale at home. This means when I go to the gym I am determined to get a good approximation of my weight. Today I was a bit disheartened because I hadn't lost even a quarter of a pound since my last weigh-in on Tuesday. However, I forgot to think about one important fact - girls often gain weight (anywhere from 2-5 pounds in fact) during a particular timeframe each month. I realize this means I probably have lost weight, but even with that knowledge I'm still frustrated. Why do we women do this to ourselves? We finally make a huge decision to change our lifestyles and then get all bent out of shape when we don't lose 10 pounds in a week! I mean I've lost between 3-4 pounds since I started last Tuesday. That's something! I'm trying so hard to learn to accept the fact that even if I only lose 1 pound in a week, I'm still doing something very right. I'm trying to reach my goal weight by July, and even if I only lose the recommended 1-2 pounds per week I'll be well on my way there. I also don't want to consider only weight in this lifestyle change; I need to begin considering size (howt hings fit), health (how I feel), and habits (if the choices I'm making are actually sticking, or if it's another fad). So there is my goal. Now I just need to have some patience in working toward it!

In other news, it's finally spring. Yay for being outdoors!

Run Your Own Run

I went running today....and keep in mind I haven't had a good run in about a week. Last Monday, it was the perfect temperature outside so I decided to forgo the gym. Well, it was also insanely windy out and I accidentally pushed skip on my ipod (which is how I time my runs) so, it was disastrous in two ways. I went to the gym and tried again...and I did it, but JUST BARELY. Needless to say that run did not feel GOOD either. I missed my run this weekend for two reasons: 1) it was rainy and gross outside and 2) I had to drive home to get some homework I had forgotten and DC drivers do not know how to handle their cars in the rain (TRAFFIC). So I tried again this Monday, after hearing a friend tell me that treadmill runs seem shorter/easier when the system is set on random, so I tried that. Well, the prolem is, it had me going uphill for the entire first 1.5 miles. I got to a point where I was so warm and so tired I just couldn't do it anymore. All this being said, I'm proud of myself for how I have performed the last few days.

After deciding that the 2.5 miles was not going to happen on Monday, I got off the treadmill and did the reamining 15 minutes on the ellpitical. This move reminded me of how much I miss my beloved elliptical friend. So Tuesday, I went back to the gym and did 30 minutes on the elliptical - about 2 miles. Yesterday, I took a break. Then today, I was back in the gym and completed a 2.4 mile run with a bit slower pace, including a random stop in the middle to tie my rogue shoelace. I'm not the fastest runner in the world, but I've learned that I have to take it at my own pace. Just like they said in my Motorcycle Safety Course (MSF), "ride your own ride"...I needed (and still need) to learn to "run my own run". That's what I plan to do at the 5k in April! I may not run the entire thing, but gosh darn it, I'm going to finish! I am not giving up on my goal!!

In addition to stepping it up with exercise, I have been eating much better and tracking my calories again. I haven't noticed much difference yet, but it's only been a few days. Yay for small victories! My goal is to keep things sustainable and to do this for the sake of health, not the sake of weight.

Struggling and Juggling

Ugh...I seriously hate Mondays. Have I ever mentioned that before? There is something about Monday that just drains all motivation and energy from my being. Perhaps it is because on Sunday, I get to have a lazy day and either do something fun, relaxing, or very productive. And then comes Monday. This semester is especially painful because I have class until 10:00 p.m. on Mondays. So point made - I loathe the day that is Mon.

So how do I overcome this hatred? How do I force myself to start the day on a productive note that will keep me going throughout the day? How do I keep Monday from poisoning the end of my Sunday? These are questions I don't yet know the answer to! And to make matters worse today...I tried going for one of my three weekly runs (to see if that might fuel my motivation) and instead it stifled any ounce of driving force I had left. I only made it through half my run before I just could not force myself to keep going any longer. Thankfully, instead of just quitting, I just changed equipment and went on the elliptical. I will try again tomorrow and see how I do.

I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut again and I'm not sure why. I keep making excuses that I'll do better at things when I'm done with school (e.g. I'll be healthier, I'll go to the gym more, I'll cook more, etc.), but it's not like I have absolutely no time for those things now. I have gotten very, very lazy as of late. During my down time, I'm often not even doing homework...rather I'm wasting away in front of the television or screwing around online. I pretend that I am juggling so many things, but really all I have is work, school, and Greg...I don't have a whole lot else going on in my life. Well, I take that back, I do serve on a board, and try to exercise on a regular basis, so I guess that's a few other things. But the point is, I just feel like I could organize my time SO much better. I could manage myself so much better. I've tried making myself a "schedule" but I have yet to stick to it. I would very much appreciate any suggestions anyone has. In the meantime, I will make myself feel better by knowing that identifying the problem is half the battle.

In the meantime, I will re-evaluate my goals and see where I can best focus my time. And I'll also try to cut myself some slack - being hard on myself will not make things any better. :)

The Almost Awesome Birthday

It was so close! The snow was here, but we still only got a two-hour delay at work. How awesome would it have been to have a snow day for my birthday! Oh well. Anytime my birthday ends up being on a Monday, I pretty much know it's shot...especially when that Monday entails a class until 10:00 p.m. That being said, I've had some very different thoughts about birthdays as of late.

Remember when birthdays used to be such a joyous occasion? Remember when it was fun count down the hours until you turned a certain age (ahem: 21!). I do. I used to love birthdays! Recently, I've actually started to forget two things: 1) how old I am - and dating someone a great deal younger doesn't necessarily help me in that regard; 2) that my birthday is approaching. When I woke up on Monday, I seriously was like "Oh yeah, it's my birthday. I should be excited right?" All this to say, for some reason, birthdays have become pretty anticlimactic (perhaps because it means I'm getting older...AHHH!)

However, I still love having a day where you can spoil yourself for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Therefore, because my "real" birthday was overhauled by work and class, I am officially moving it to Sunday this year. Therefore, I can have a wonderful sunny day and can spend time with the people I love, relax, and do whatever the mood deems worthy.

So, this blog really had nothing to do with balance...but I think that's what's so beautiful about it. The moral of the story - if you want balance, you can't be thinking about it all the time!

I heart Suze Orman

It's Saturday at 9:00 pm, and I'm about to watch Suze Orman. Many of you who know me well have probably realized I love, love, LOVE learning about personal finance. Even though it isn't the most glamorous of subjects right now, I feel now is also the most important time to get smart about finances.

However, I feel that while I'm raving about my passion for personal finance, I must also confess my love/hate relationship with the segment "Can I afford it?" It brings up that whole problem with comparison that I spoke about in a previous entry. It seems that when someone on the show is doing better than me, I get jealous. They have $9000 a month take home? What?!? They already have how many hundred thousand in retirement?!? But then, when there is someone who is in debt, or makes less than me, I feel better. I have a feeling that tonight's show will really test my progression with my comparison issue. However, it's coming up soon next so I'm going to watch and report.
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Alright, I did reasonably well during the segment this week. I still felt those urges like "Holy cow, how does a 31 year old bring home $10k a month?!?!?", but then I realized that she is probably a lawyer or doctor, which is not where I am destined to head with my life. I still have a long way to travel, but I now feel that I at least try to tell myself to stop and to rationalize those jealous claims. This was the first conscious test I've had since writing that past entry, and I think I did well. Now I just need to start making a conscious decision more often. I also need to blog more often....oops! :)

Careerism?

I meant to write this post on Friday night or Saturday afternoon, but by the time my weekend class was over I wanted to head straight home. However, there was something the professor of my financing higher education class said that really hit home, and brought me back to an internal conversation I had been ignoring for a long time.

Although we had eight hours of class time, during which I learned a great deal, there was one particular lesson that struck a personal chord. The professor spoke of the two "diseases" which were most poisonous to today's institutions (and organizations/businesses in general). These two diseases were jobism and careerism. By jobism, he was referring to those people who come into work just to put in their 40 hours and get paid...so they can go get on with their life. Careerism refers to those who are so focused on the next step in their career that they cannot focus on their current position. I'm pretty darn sure I suffer from the second of those diseases.

I'm always thinking to myself "Well, when I finally get a job in this office..." or "Well, when I have less administrative tasks and more fun projects...". I'm also focused on the when and the if, rather than the here and now. It really bothers me, and causes me to wonder when it all started. I'm really trying to watch it so that I not only use this job in order to propel me to where I want to go, but in addition, add some value to the department while I'm here. It's going to be a hard road, considering that my self-esteem is still taking hits every now and then (mostly self-inflicted), but I know I can do it. And you are all more than welcome to hold me to this!

I commit to live in the here and now, not only in life...but at work as well.

Diminishing Comparativeness

First, I wanted to share my success in my completion of the New Years Resolution...I completed my list of 101 things in 1001 days! Woo hoo! I'm also happy to report that I've already knocked off two things by going to Inauguration and the GW Inaugural Ball. This list is very comprehensive and it's completion is just the beginning. Needless to say, the 99 remaining "things" will definitely keep me occupied during the next 2.75 years!

Now onto the real purpose of this entry. If you know much about me (or have read some of my earlier articles), you will know that one of my biggest weaknesses is a mix of jealousy and comparison. It comes in spurts. One minute I'll be fine with my life, and the next I feel like I don't make enough money, don't have a good enough job, don't have enough friends, etc. And then later, I will see a news story about job losses, or abusive relationships and I will feel blessed about my life. Sometimes I feel like a ping pong ball. I believe that all humans go through this to an extent, but sometimes it is so bad that it can suck the total enjoyment out of my life...diminish my new mantra of living to live.

A few weeks ago, I read an article entitled "Life's Enough: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others", which touches on this exact subject. I'd like to include an excerpt:

Let’s say I take a look at someone who creates amazing artwork and really top-notch podcasts on their website … and I look at my art and video skills, and realize that I don’t come close to measuring up. In fact, I look pretty pitiful (I’m a lousy drawer and don’t know anything about video).

But wait a minute: it’s not a fair comparison. Just because I don’t measure up doesn’t mean I should get out of the blogging business, or that I should get depressed or jealous or resentful. Instead, if I looked at my strengths — writing useful and honest posts — I can see that I have a lot to offer, a lot to be happy about.

And that’s so important — being able to look at your own strengths, and see your true value. It’s actually one of the keys to success, because without this ability, you will be unmotivated, and won’t believe in yourself.

That is so true... I do often make very unfair comparisons. I'll compare myself financially to a lawyer, or compare myself professionally to someone who has been in the field for much longer and has a much more significant amount of education. It's just unfair and it doesn't have a positive affect on anyone, especially me. And in addition to making me unhappy with what I have, it also sometimes keeps me from getting to know others without pre-judging them. If I feel they are better than me, or have something I don't, I have a certain resentment for them before I even get to know them. I hate that SO MUCH!

So my two-part resolution to start delving into this frustration is this:

1) Any time I feel myself starting to compare or become jealous, I want to be conscious of what is happening and mentally say "stop it". I want to stop comparison in its tracks!

2) Rather than compare myself to others, I want to get to know them first. I want to learn from them instead of getting frustrated at what they have and allowing that to prevent me from expanding my horizons.

I would encourage all of you to read this article and to enjoy every day. Live to live and love what you've been given! I'd like to end with a perfect quote from the song "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" by Baz Luhrmann:

"Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself."

I Live To Live

I meant to write this post yesterday, but I'm glad I didn't. I had a conversation with an old high school friend today that added to the perspective of reflection. So here are my random thoughts for today/yesterday.

I am a ball of stress. Not so much as I was in high school apparently though. I've heard from a number of old friends that they actually worried about me during those four awkward years...something I never knew before. I mean, I knew I was "overwhelmed" but I honestly believed I was good at hiding it. As I've grown older (and wiser?) I've learned that I cannot hide my emotions at all. If I'm tired, frustrated, worried, bored, excited, holding a secret...my expressions tell it to the world. Oh well, that's just me!

So the point: I've never been good at truly embracing and enjoying life. It's funny, even when I'm doing awesome things or embarking upon incredible journeys, I always feel like I'm missing something. I always fear that I'm not taking full advantage. It's silly really, and I'm not sure why it's like that. Anyone care to enlighten me?

This whole thought process came about because of article I spotted in a friends "status message" on Facebook yesterday afternoon. The entire premise of the article, entitled "It's Natures Way Of Telling Us To Chill" is the fact that instead of enjoying the snow, Washingtonians tend to get their collective panties all in a bunch. Okay, most people do when there is snow and ice on the ground during a school/work day. Understandably. However, the article encourages us to enjoy the crappy weather: allow it to slow you down for once. I will enlighten you with my favorite passage followed by some reflection. How does that sound? Awesome? Okay. Here it is:

Never let a classroom get in the way of a good education. Or work get in the way of a good life.

"I have to go to work," you say.

No, you don't. If only truly essential personnel were required to show up in the snow, 90 percent of us could stay in bed. We would not be missed.

Chill out. Let your kids show you how to make a snowman. Serve hot chocolate. Whip up snow cream. Remember that no tombstone ever read: "I wish I had gone to work instead of taking a snow day."

I take this to mean...live life the way YOU want to live, not by someone else's direction. I hate to say it, but I've been following the path of "should" for a long time. I know I should settle down, get a career, put this percentage in savings/retirement, only eat out once a week, not go out to coffee very often...blah blah blah blah. But you know what? I LIKE coffee and restaurants. I HATE saving for retirement. I'd rather live in the now! Travel, meet people, have experiences. Maybe this is why I feel like I'm always "missing" something, because there is a very adventurous part of me that feels ignored.

Now, this is where it's important for the idealistic and practical parts of my personality to blend. Of course I'd rather go experience adventurous wonders than put away for retirement, but I know that there needs to be a balance. I want adventure now AND in the future...so I need to plan for both. That's what it all comes down to...planning. Thankfully, I've gotten much, much better at planning so I think these things will get better. For me, it all comes down to recognizing that there's something wrong, recognizing that there's an imbalance.

I'd like to end with a thought I had the other night...and I think it's going to be one of my new mantras as I strive for balance in life. Greg and I were answering questions from a "Getting To Know You" book, when we came upon one that struck me as strange. It asked: "Do you eat to live or live to eat?" My answer (which I was pretty proud of btw) was "Neither! I live to live and I eat to eat." So there you go. Whatever I do from now on, I plan to do with purpose. If I'm eating...I want to eat well and enjoy every bite. If I'm running, I want to enjoy every step (even when it hurts). If I'm traveling I want to enjoy EVERY moment, whether being a tourist or laying in bed with the man of my dreams. So my newest page in the book of mantras: I live to live! Kthnxbye!

Celebration and Tragedy...All Within One Week

What a strange week. Here is more detail surrounding both the celebration and the tragedy:

This week enabled me to be part of history. I was able to be on the mall during President Obama's Inauguration. It was an incredible experience. When else can I say that I was part of a mob of nearly TWO MILLION people, not one of whom was arrested...probably never. Even though people were freezing cold and squeezed together, everyone remained happy. Rather than complaining about the crappy weather, we just focused on what we were about to witness. I can't say there weren't times I was frustrated, but those moments will fade with memory. I kept saying to Greg that Inauguration Day 2009 will be like some of the ridiculous Ben Stiller and Will Ferrell movies - much better in memory than they are during the actual event. I mean, we all have those movies that are much funnier to quote than to watch, right? This event was like one of those. Yes, I couldn't see anything, it was freaking cold, I was squished, I couldn't feel my fingers, and I was frustrated I couldn't get a good picture....but I was there! How cool is that?

Another interesting facet of this experience was just seeing the vast array of people who showed up. There were seriously people from ALL walks of life - young and old, disabled and able-bodied, black and white, asian and middle eastern, reserved and obnoxious...they were all there. I mean, there were TWO MILLION of us. But the whole time I was there, I kept wondering what this must feel like for the African American community. I mean, this is surely an important and memorable day for me, but what was going on in their minds? I would love to know!

As soon as I sort through pictures, I will post some of them on here for you all to enjoy (even if solely for the fact of realizing that you most definitely witnessed more than me while sipping tea and sitting on your warm couch facing the television).

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, George Washington University experienced the death of a student today. She was only 19. Young deaths are always hard for me to bear, and make me ponder my own life like nothing else in this world. They always make me ask the hard questions like: Am I making the most of my time in this world? Am I truly living up to my potential? What is really important to me? Am I spending my time focused on those most important things? Have my priorities been shaped by the values of the world at large rather than the values I hold in my heart? Am I really headed in the right direction?...and many many others.

I just hope that some of the reflection that happens inside my head this time truly enables me to sit down and focus on what's important, rather than whining about things of a lesser matter.

This week truly was a cause for celebration and reflection with events from both ends of the spectrum.

Getting Over Sickness

Last weekend, I came down with a cold. Normally, this would be kind of inconvenient, but not that big of a deal. However, this happened right after I discovered I was lucky enough to land two tickets to the swearing in ceremony of President-Elect Barack Obama on Tuesday morning. This means standing in cold 30-some degree weather for several hours, which would not be good if I were still in the middle of a cold. Thankfully, I am finally starting to feel better, although I still have an annoying cough.

So what did I learn from this experience? I'm still not sure, since I'm smack in the middle of it. But I can tell you a few preliminary things.

1) I miss exercise! The one thing that sucks about being sick is that it's not good to overexert yourself...which includes progressive runs. Boo! I was actually starting to enjoy getting in the routine of running again. Oh well, something to look forward to the week after inauguration I guess.

2) I am a miserable sick person. Greg said it best -- the worst thing about being sick is the feeling of being absolutely useless. I hate being useless. It's bad enough when I do nothing productive through my own procrastination, but it's even worse when I can't do a darn thing about it. So maybe this will help me be more productive when I'm healthy? Not sure....

3) I need to start taking WAY better care of myself! First of all, I think part of the reason the cold hit me so hard was because I haven't been very good about taking my vitamins, eating well, exercising, etc. Also, I've been super bad about keeping up my beauty routine while I've been sick so all my acne, etc. has come back. Boo! So once I'm back to health (starting today actually) I will start washing my face, masking, etc. again.

So all in all, the sickness has been horrible, but I believe it will help me appreciate my health all the more and it's made me catch up on rest. It was a sucky way to get to this point, but I'm glad I did!

Exhausted

The past few weeks, including the Christmas and New Year Holidays, have made me keenly aware of something: doing nothing is far more exhausting than being busy. Or at least, it feels that way right now. Up until one week before Christmas, I was consistently running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Between school, work, relationships, and "getting ready" for the holidays I had a to-do list about a mile long. Yet for some reason, an enormous load of adrenaline helped me succeed at all these tasks with flying colors. During both Christmas and New Years, I was consistently tired. Now I know it was probably a mix of jet lag and recuperation, but it seemed I was always falling asleep. Of course it doesn't help that my family loves to watch TV (which I am convinced makes me more tired than anything else).

In essence, I have not started the new year off the way I had hoped. During the first four days, the only real task I accomplished was halfway cleaning my room - I still have a TON of papers/binders to get organized. Other than that I was dinking around online and whatnot. I didn't get my finances in order the way I wanted, or set up electronic transfers. I just looked up random stuff. Erg.

However, this year is new...I have decided that it doesn't help anybody when I beat myself up for past shortcomings. Instead of writing an entire article about how I should have done this or that, or yadda yadda, I am going to make a plan to move forward. The first plan is to unplug my TV - the one-eyed monster. The second, is to take a nap when I get home tonight. The third is to continue developing my 101 things list, and the fourth is to start organizing papers if Greg has not arrived by that point.

In other news, Greg asked me a seemingly easy question last night that I found very difficult to answer. He looked me in the eye and said "Where do you see yourself, and us, in two years?" To be honest...I don't know, and that scares the heck out of me. There are so many unknowns right now, and I don't do well with unknowns. :) So I also plan to start visualizing where I would like to be in that short time frame.

And lastly, I hope all of you will be happy to know that one of my goals is to write in this blog at least once a week or more for a year. So there should be many more articles to peruse through, even if they are quite random.

I hope you had a wonderful new year, and I look forward to doing more self-exploration in this balancing act we call life in 2009.