Time for Reflection and Planning

Wow, umm....how is it 2009 already? Seriously! I know it sounds cliche, but this year went by SO fast. I haven't even had time to sit back and reflect on all the joys, triumphs, failures, regrets, and lessons learned as I often do. I guess that's what the 3 hours before the party tonight will be spent doing. However, before I officially reflect, I'd like to share some of the experiences with you!

1) I started graduate school. This year, I began the pursuit of my advanced education; and even better, I figured out what I want to do for my first career - higher education! There have definitely been some ups and downs associated with going back to school. The ups are learning and being around like-minded people again, and the downs mostly relating to insane amounts of reading and writing and much less free time. However, as of two weeks ago I am halfway done, so I know I can persevere and give up those luxuries for the betterment of my future.

2) I got a new - AWESOME - job! Not only has this job greatly enhanced my ability to achieve financial goals, but it has also been a huge positive influence on my self esteem. I am actually doing things I am good at! Yes, I still have those days when I don't feel like being at work or when all the items on my to-do list are painful administrative (peon) tasks, but those days are less and less. The more forward I move, the more I realize how much past job experiences have either helped or poisoned me. One in particular deeply poisoned me and only now do I feel as though I am pulling myself out of that self-defeating coma. So that has been a great experience.

3) I continued growing with Greg! Sometimes it feels like I just met Greg this year, but then I think "no wait, we'll be celebrating our TWO year anniversary in February!" It's crazy. And we've been through a lot together this year. Sadly, we did not have the financial means to go on all the fun trips this year, but we did get to go to Oregon and hang out with the family as well as explore Philadelphia. 2008 was the year where we really started getting to know each other - the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am ashamed to say that Greg has probably experienced some extremely ugly parts of my personality; however he still loves me just as much if not more thus confirming how great we are together!

4) I started getting serious about exercise again. It's been a struggle yes, especially when compounding it with school, but I made a real effort this year. Sadly, December has been a horrible month for me in the health arena, but that is going to change. I am just happy that I have finally made it a priority again.

I know there is more, but I just wanted to hop on the "reflection bandwagon" while I could and get the juices flowing for later tonight when I write a REALLY long journal entry.

One of my biggest resolutions for the new year is to develop my own 101 things in 1001 days list (as seen on Get Rich Slowly). As this list develops and progresses I will share it with you. One of the items on that list has to do with this blog. I have been a sad, sad excuse for a blogger this year and I'd like to start posting at least once a week or more if possible. This is a great way to not only get my thoughts out of my overflowing brain, but also to share what is going on with those who care about me. So look for more in the future...and confront me about it if you don't see a post in a while!

Happy New Year Everyone! Let's all strive to make this year the best yet!

Running Quote of the Week: One

Picture by zebra.paperclip

"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'"
- Peter Maher, Irish-Canadian Olympian and sub-2:12 marathoner

I'm not gonna lie, this whole running 3 days a week thing has been hard. It's not necessarily difficult to make the time, it's difficult to make myself use the time for the means of fitness. Thankfully, I'm still on week three of the program, so I haven't fallen TOO far behind. I should be on my last week when I go home for Christmas vacation, and that may actually give me even more motivation to go while I'm home than if I were done, and just continuing to run. I think I'm still going to gift myself some Under Armor before I go home, and maybe I'll go to a running store in Portland, so I can save the tax on a new pair of shoes. Or even better, maybe someone will buy me the running shoes for Christmas!

So my goal for the week, is to be strong each day; to go running whether it's easy and convenient, or not. I have to make fitness and nutrition a part of life now, or it will just get more and more difficult as the years go by.

Also, this weekend Greg and I are cooking my lunches for the week again. We're making split pea soup, pepperoni cheese bread, and wheat bread. I'm actually enjoying this grocery shopping/cooking thing. It's fun to see how much money and calories I can save!

Balance: Where saving and savoring collide

This article was written about a week ago...sorry it took so long to post!

I read an article yesterday that struck me. It is entitled "Millionaires in the Making: The Rodrigueses. The put more than half of their income into savings, rarely travel, and share one entree when the eat out. Now, most of you who who've met me know that I am a huge fan of fiscal responsibility, but I think there is a point where it can get out of control. I'm not saying the couple in this article has not found that balance, since it is different for everyone, but I used to think I wanted to live this way...saving everything I could for later.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in delayed gratification; but I also believe in living for today and never holding back. I thought about this a lot as I pondered buying a motorcycle this weekend. Sadly, the only bike in my price range was not what I was looking for, but I am thankful for all the deep thinking the eve of this purchase brought with it. You see, I have no idea how long I will be allowed to live on this earth, or how long I will be able to experience this precious gift we humans call a life. I could live til I'm 100, or I could leave this world long before that. I don't know. This thought both scares the crap out of me, and yet gives me an odd sense of peace. I believe it is important to have a healthy fear of everything, but not to allow that fear to hold you back from life. Just as I don't want the danger of flying in an airplane to keep me from embarking on all the travel I want to experience, I also don't want my fear of future financial security to keep me from truly enjoying life today. I definitely want to live within my means, and I do not think there should be any other way, but I also want to take fun and romantic vacations, go out to dinner once in a while, and live in a house where I truly feel I am at home.

I think a great formula for this way of life was discussed one on of my favorite personal finance sites, Get Rich Slowly. It is called the Balanced Money Formula. Basically, it calls for spending 50% of ones income on needs (rent, groceries, utilities, car insurance, etc.), 30% on wants (dining, travel, cable tv, etc.), and 20% goes toward either paying off past consumer debt or saving for the future. Now, there are times when this may be out of proportion. For example, I am saving for several future items: a wedding, a house down payment, paying off my student loan once I finish graduate school, a replacement car, motorcycle, anniversary travel. So at this point, I will take part of that 30% and put it toward future wants. Hopefully this makes sense in print as much as it does inside my head.

My basic point is that I want my life to be sustainable: living in a desired way without stealing from my future. I want to be able to live life to the fullest, every day...for as long as I am blessed to be here.

True Inspiration

I just finished watching one of the most inspirational lectures I've heard in a long time...possibly ever. It is by a man named Randy Pausch, a tenured professor at Carnegie Mellon University who passed away this summer (July 25, 2008). Wow! What an incredible person! There are so many points from the lecture that I could write about, but instead I will spare you and just direct you to the video.

Instead, I wanted to use this blog as more of a forum for myself. You see, I feel like my life has become dangerously sidetracked since I started my first "real job" (and if you don't know that story, please feel free to ask). I have forgotten so many of my dreams and wonder if I am headed in the right direction. This video challenged me to remember those dreams, and work toward them (either realistically or metaphorically). So that's what I want to do...write them out and get back on the right path.

So what did I want to do when I was a kid? What did I want to be? What was exciting? To be honest, sometimes it's hard to even remember certain aspects of my childhood....but I'm sure gonna try (now, and for the rest of my life).

1. I wanted to be an astronaut. Not only was I interested in science when I was a kid, but I was utterly fascinated with space. I knew so much random information about the planets it wasn't even funny. I was the only one who knew the order of the planets at the beginning of my astronomy class. How can I incorporate this? Does it have to do with my sense of wonder? Will I ever be able to go into space and see that view, feel that awe? That's one dream I need to figure out and work toward.

2. I wanted to be a performer. This dream was always changing; one minute I wanted to be a professional singer, the next I wanted to be a Rockette. One minute I wanted to be a movie star, the next I wanted to be on Broadway. The moral of the story is, I love people. I love performing. I love telling stories. I love teaching people things. How does this translate? Where am I supposed to go with this dream?

3. I wanted to be valedictorian. CHECK! Yay, got one! There was more to this one than just that honor though. You see, I wanted to hold myself to high standards...to push myself toward more than others, and even I, thought I could accomplish. I still remember the day I decided I was going to be valedictorian. I was sitting at my brother's senior awards ceremony and I saw this girl who got all the awards...and I wanted to be her, because I knew I could! Maybe I'll expand on that later. :)

4. I wanted to love and be loved. I know this sounds silly, but I wanted what my parents didn't have: the top of love you fight for. I wanted a close family who would go on family trips every year. I wanted to be a cute mom, and a hott wife. I think I'm very much on my way toward these goals. I love you Greg!

I'm sure there are more...and as I come up with them, I'll write them out. But for now, I just want to focus on envisioning the next few years of my life and make sure I'm on the right track!

Seriously though...watch this video!!

Starting Over

My goals are still in tact, but all the schoolwork due last week through a kink in my running plans. As a result, I went nearly a week without doing a single run. I'm starting back up with week 2 of my running program so I don't fall too far behind. This morning's run was hard, but I felt so good afterwards.

In addition, Greg and I finally made a pact to start eating better - our habits are getting out of control. A few times a week, we'll go to the grocery store, grab a loaf of Italian bread and consume the entire thing...at 10 or 11pm! Not good if you're trying to lose weight (or in general). So tomorrow starts the habit of making lunch for the week. We're going to use the crockpot to make about 12 servings pasta e fagioli soup and the breadmaker to bake some english muffin bread. I'm pretty stoked. This is something I've been wanting to do for a while, because I know I won't lose weight until both my diet and exercise habits get under control.

In the meantime, I've been looking for pictures and quotes to inspire me through the beginning...always the toughest part of forming a habit. I plan to share them on a weekly basis (which will also help with my habit of reflecting and writing). Here are the picks for this week:

I chose this picture for a few reasons. First of all, it reminds me that a healthy lifestyle is a journey, and a long one at that. Also, it helps me remember that I need to have a goal I'm working toward, or it's hard to stay motivated. And lastly, it shows that if I make balanced, healthy lifestyle choices, the reward will be incredible (as I'm sure the view is incredible from the top of Mt. Rainer).

This weeks quote is directly correlated: If you don't do what's best for your body, you're the one who comes up on the short end.

* Quote by Julius Erving. Picture by Jim Frazier.

Some Random, Daily Thoughts...

So yesterday I wrote, during my initial frustration, about how I am hard on myself. And about how I need to take it easy. Here is my dilemma...a bit of a catch 22. Maybe.

I'm a decent writer. I don't necessarily think I could be a professional by any means, but for the most part, my thoughts come across clear. Yesterday in my "easier" class this semester, our professor gave us his thoughts on graduate school and writing. He mentioned that we could all stand to improve, and gave us precise reasons why each of us received the grade written on our papers. Yes I was a bit disappointed with my low A/high B; but he said something that really hit me, and caused my frustration to subside. He said, "Some of you can really write, but we can all, myself included, stand to improve." He went on to mention how he thought that writing was one of the weakest points for today's graduate students. It is so true though. All of us go in there, expecting to get these perfect grades on our papers. We are all, or at least a vast majority of us are, perfectionists. We get highly irritated when we see a B, or even an A- (case in point, yesterday evening). But, if we are constantly getting A's, how are we supposed to push ourselves to improve. We will constantly be floating in this world where we think we are simply going to school to get a piece of paper, not to learn. Imagine that! Someone going to school just for the degree! I have never heard of anyone who did that! [Insert deeply sarcastic facial expression here]. To be honest, my writing could stand major improvement. My blog would be a lot better, it probably wouldn't take me as long to write good, decent papers, and it would just make me a much more competitive person in the workplace. However, for some reason, I am ghastly afraid of seeing a "B" on my transcript. I got them in undergraduate school, and look where I am now! I'm fine! I have a good job, work with intelligent people. It didn't deter my career path at all. So why am I still afraid. Perhaps it's because of all the rumors that "Graduate school should not be hard; you should not be there if you can't get straight A's. Not to mention the fact that if you don't get straight A's, good luck going for that Doctorate." Oy! I hate pressure, I really do! So that's another one of those lingering goals - dispensing with my fear of imperfection.

In other news, my running program is going very well. I'm finding that, for the most part, I actually look forward to my runs now. Yay! I might actually finish this thing after all! The only bad part is, I need to learn to stretch much better - one of my hamstrings was REALLY sore yesterday.

Okay, enough of this online-journaly entry. I just haven't had the time to write in my paper journal a lot lately and thought I would at least try to throw out some of my thoughts on here; maybe someone else can benefit from them. :)

Over the next week or so, I will be writing a paper on career-oriented education. I have a feeling that may bring up a LOT of thoughts, and I am hoping to post some of them here. Stay tuned!

Take it Easy!

News Flash! Rachel is VERY hard on herself. VERY! A little self-disclosure here: I got an A- on my first paper in my "easier" class of the semester. But here's the funny part about it. I got an A- on my first paper in the harder class, as well. When I got an A- in the harder course, I celebrated. When I learned of the A- in the easier course, I become very, very frustrated. What was the difference in the two situations? Class average!

In the harder course, which has hundreds of pages of reading a week, and is touted as the most difficult class in the entire program by all who have thus completed it, the class average on the first paper was a B-. So I did better than everyone. In the easier course, which requires much less reading and is touted by all as a fun elective, the class average was an A+. Not to mention, the teach often looks to me for knowledge as I work in an office closely related to the subject matter. So there ya go...I kicked butt in the course where the expectations are rough and many of my classmates did not do so hot. But in comparison to classmates in the expected "fun" course, I did fairly badly. What's wrong with this picture? THEY ARE THE SAME GRADE!?!?! Why is it that in one instance I celebrate, and even call Greg to brag, and in the other, I want to go hand my head in a corner and mope!

There are two conclusions I have come to in regards to this topic:

First, I am far too much of a perfectionist when it comes to grades. FAR too much. I get so sick of moping when I don't get perfect on every paper, or do not land at the top of the class on every assignment. It's a self-made form of stress and frustration and I'm SO sick of it.

Second, I am also sick of comparing myself to others. Who cares, an A- is an A- is an A-! It's a good grade. Stop whining.

Okay, so there you go. Probably too much self-disclosure there. But somehow I trust that those of who you regularly read this blog are not surprised in the least.

Time to Tri Something New!

First of all, yes, I know that "tri" is spelled wrong in the title. It's intentional, I promise!

As some of you may know, I've been in a "health" funk for quite some time now. In fact, I've just been in a general funk, but health has been one of the primary areas. While I've gotten back into an exercise "routine", I feel like it's not enough. Eventually it will become a boring, post-work activity that I don't look forward to in the least. I think I discovered why this is the case: I'm not working toward anything. Yes, there is always the goal of weight loss, however, that is not enough anymore. I've decided to set a goal for myself: I am going to participate in a sprint triathlon in August of 2009. At first, I thought about doing an Olympic Triathlon, but I want to start small...and I also want to leave more to work toward. So here is my plan (which I am writing more for myself than anybody else):

1. Complete the Couch to 5K Training Program. This program does exactly what is says - gets me off the couch and running a little over three miles. My first goal is to be regularly running 3 miles, at least 3 times a week. Running has always been hard for me, but I think that's because I've always tried to go too hard core too fast. This gradually helps me work toward a 3 mile starting point. One I hit that, I can continually improve. This is also perfect considering the final leg of the spring triathlon is a 5K run. Once I achieve this goal, I want to reward myself with a great pair of running shoes from a store that actually watches you run and chooses the best shoe (such as Pacers, or Portland Running Company).

2. Get a bike and start riding it regularly. For the time being, financial and weather constraints may constrict me to the stationary bike at the gym, but one spring hits, I would like to get a real bike (as I will need one for the race anyway). The Spring Triathlon distance is 16 miles, so I would like to be able to comfortably ride that distance come June or July. I am already starting to save toward this goal (purchasing the bike, and needed equipment).

3. Start swimming once a week. Since I want to keep my workouts varied, I would like to start "hitting the pool" once a week or so. I need to get back in the habit of swimming long distances, as I haven't really done this since high school. This is the first and (for many people) most daunting part of the triathlon. Luckily, I had some fairly regular practice with this in high school - I know I can do it, I just need to work up to it again.

4. Participate in the "Manassas Mini Triathlon*". This will be my first real triathlon experience, and will tell me if I have enough fun to continue with this event long term. It will also give me some beginning practice with transitions and all the anxiety that comes with competition. This will also be perfect as it will be taking place around the same time I would like to start my training program.

5. Finish the "Luray Sprint Triathlon**". Depending on how I do in the mini triathlon, and how my training is progressing, I will set more specific goals closer to race time. Right now, I'm just excited to have something to train for, rather than having a very large, ambiguous goal of "being healthy".

*Mini Triathlon = 250 yard swim/4 mile bike ride/1.4 mile run
**Sprint Triathlon = 750 yard swim/16 mile bike ride/3.1 mile run

Feeling VERY Lazy

I feel so lazy as of late. Yesterday, I probably did a total of 2 hours of homework, and I know that I have much more than that to do. Luckily, Greg works today, so I have another chance to catch up...but it's nearly 3:30pm and I still haven't done anything. I've slept away half of the day.

I'm really not sure what's wrong with me, other than the fact that I HATE reading and writing when I'm forced to do it. Too bad! That doesn't stop it from needing to be done. I just really miss my free time...but then again, what do I ever do with my free time?

I really need to rediscover my interests, and find some new friends who I can hang out with on a more regular basis. I feel like most the friends I've made here are friends of convenience - either I treat them like that or they treat me like that.

Anyway, I just wanted to get some of this out so that maybe I can start on homework...knowing that I've vented a little bit. I hate feeling lazy, but the only way to conquer is to push through it.

Refining the Focus

Yesterday I discussed my determination to focus on my health. However, after an incredible talk with Greg last night I discovered that I am placing my focus in the wrong place. I need to focus on God, plain and simple. Looking back, I realize that the only time I feel like all the other "priorities" in my life were in line and in focus was when I was constantly and actively seeking God. Seriously - I remember it clearly. Summer of 2006. That was when I lost 30 pounds. That was when I loved and felt good at my job (even though it took up all my time). Therefore, I have refined my focus. I want to focus on my relationship with God because I realize that it is the right focus and the only way I will thrive at all of the things I am supposed to thrive at.

I'm realizing just how much of an up-and-down journey my spiritual life will be. Sometimes it thrives; sometimes it just plain sucks. However, even when it sucks, I need to continue seeking. Even when I find nothing, I need to continue looking. And even when I feel totally lost, I cannot stop moving.

Health, work, school and my relationship are still priorities...but before any of that can be in balance and thriving, I need to get right in my spiritual life.

Focus!

I've now realized (again) that I can only focus on one area at a time. For the last month or so, my focus has been on getting better at my job. Before that, I focused on learning how to balance work and school. While I don't think I have either of those "down pat", I've decided it is high time I focus on another area - health. So for the next however many blogs it takes, I am going to discuss health. This is partly because I learn when I write and partly because I want to feel somewhat accountable, even if it is only to those 3 random people who stumble across this blog once in a while. I want to talk about both my successes and failures.

Lately, I feel like I have had FAR more failure than success. To be honest, since I started dating, and feeling "comfortable" I have really let me health and fitness slip to the wayside. At this point, I am almost back to the shape I was in before I really took hold of my personal health in 2006. I have backtracked a LOT! Greg actually gets bummed anytime I mention this because he feels like it is his fault. Well, the only fault he has in this equation is treating me like a princess and making me realize that I will be loved no matter what I look like. Therefore, for the last year, I have not cared about keeping up my appearance and being the best "me" possible. So to Greg, for loving me unconditionally, I blame you! But that is not a bad thing...just no more "regular" late night ice cream binges, etc. etc. :)

But all the real responsibility is mine. It is my fault that I often get lazy and skip the gym - often for weeks at a time. It is my fault that I stop paying attention/caring about what I eat. It is my fault that I start neglecting my health in general. Sure there are a TON of things that would make it much easier to achieve my goal of optimal health, but those aren't options right now; so I don't want to depend on them. I need to work with what I have.

It's not like I don't know how to lose weight/keep in shape...I've done it before, very recently. For some reason though, once a person enters a serious and committed relationship, it is hard to find motivation. I constantly catch myself thinking, "Greg will love me no matter what, so if I don't want to go to the gym today, that's okay." I have displaced the understanding that I do this, I stay healthy for ME! I do this because I want to live the best life possible...not to be impressive to someone else. So this week, that is my goal - realizing that my health is my responsibility and I do it for ME!

It's like one of my favorite personal finance bloggers always says "Nobody cares about your personal finances more than you do." This also applies to health...so my mantra for this month is "Nobody cares about my personal health and well being more than I do". So until I take charge of my health, I cannot expect anyone else. So this is my...taking charge!

And on a side note, I also need to get back on track with my finances this month! So that will be one of those "secondary focus" areas, along with school and work.

I have an excuse!

I promise, I have an excuse. I just finished my "Leadership in Higher Education" course this past weekend, and I was required to write at least 3 blogs a week for the course - so as an amateur blogger, that was hard. Adding more entries into this blog would have been even harder.

Also, I sure haven't felt very "balanced" lately, so it's been hard to find inspiration to write, but I'm going to force myself to have inspiration.

In addition to all the craziness of school, I also started my new position two and a half weeks ago, and have not had much down time on the job. As I don't have internet at home, that fact has also made it difficult to write.

Now that my excuses are written down and out of the system, no more are allowed. I want to write here. I miss it. I love it.

My next post will actually be one with purpose, as you will find out when you read it. Stay tuned!

Slacker!

Yes, it's true...I've been a slacker, but only with the blog I promise! Since my last post in June I've been hired for a new job, started my next graduate school course focusing on leadership, passed the motorcycle safety course (meaning I can legally ride a motorcycle, bwahahaha) and spent time with my mom during the two weeks she was in Washington. Whew! Life has sure been full!

During this time things have been good, but they have also been bad. I've definitely had some great highs and some disastrous lows. For now, I will focus on the lows, as I seem to learn more from reflecting on times of hardship.

First thing first, I don't like how I treat my mom sometimes. I mean I know everyone gets frustrated with their parents at one time or another, but I feel like I do so more often than not. I want to learn to show her the love and respect that I really do hold in my heart instead of only exhibiting impatience.

Another low I noticed happened repeatedly during different situations: I am really, REALLY hard on myself. I beat myself up like nobody else can. This is NOT a good thing. I need to learn to hold myself to a high standard, while still going easy when times get rough. The prime example of this was during the Motorcycle Safety course. I was doing just find during practice. Sure I would get frustrated here and there when I wouldn't understand a maneuver before we moved onto the next, but I was having fun nonetheless. But the test was a whole different story. During the first exercise ("the box"), I messed up; I put the bike in the wrong gear thus making it very difficult. I didn't stall or drop the bike, but I did mess up the maneuver...and what did I do? I got frustrated at myself. This made the next two tests even harder than they should have been. By the end of the testing I was SURE I didn't pass. Greg and Megan kept assuring me that I didn't do nearly as bad as I felt I did, but they could not convince me otherwise. I did not let up on myself until that license was in my hand. This is something I have been doing since I can remember...coming out of class and swearing that I did horribly on a test, etc. It needs to stop.

Now I promise I'm not going to simply make this blog about all my problems. I know that I do a lot of things right as well. I was hired for an awesome job which I will start next month after my much needed vacation to Oregon. That is a feat! I know I was up against some tough competition. This is just the boost I need to get my professional life back on track. Some of my previous experiences have not been the most healthy and I need to snap out of that. I know I am better than I give myself credit for.

Moral of the story today is this: Go easy on yourself Rachel! If you don't believe in and root for yourself, nobody else will want to either.

Taking Time For Myself

So I'm getting off work early today. Usually on a day like this I would go home and lay around all night until Greg got off work - then on Saturday I would feel completely unfulfilled because on the evening before I took no time for myself. Well not today!

Today I am going to do two very productive and fun things. First, I am going to visit two museums right by my work (considering our office is literally blocks from the National Mall). I'm heading to the National Gallery of Art first to see a really interesting photography exhibit by Richard Misrach. The exhibit is called "Ocean Views" and is a collection of a bunch of photographs taken of people on the beach. I didn't find the title too interesting, but after I read the description I knew I had to see it:

"For more than thirty years, the American photographer Richard Misrach (b. 1949) has made provocative work that addresses contemporary society's relationship to nature, especially the American West. Since 2001, he has made a series of large scale (six by ten feet), lushly colored photographs of swimmers and sunbathers in Hawaii. Looking down from a hotel room directly adjacent to the beach, he has eliminated all references to the horizon and sky to record people immersed in the idyllic environment. Yet, despite the beauty of the scene, a strange sense of disquietude pervades these photographs. Made in the days immediately after September 11, 2001, these photographs speak of the unease and sense of foreboding that pervaded the country after the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The title of the series, On the Beach, is drawn from Nevil Shute's cold war novel about nuclear holocaust. This exhibition will present 19 of these photographs."

WOW! I'm really excited about this. It makes me want to see more of his exhibits. I think I just might.

After that it's off to the Museum of Natural History where I will see a photography exhibit entitled "Ocean Views". Pretty self explanatory, it is a bunch of nature photographs taken both beneath and on the surface of the ocean. Humorous how they coincide so well. While I'm sure I will look at other things along the way, these are the two exhibits I will set out to see. No longer will I go home and sulk rather than taking advantage of my incredible surroundings!

Then on the way home I will stop off at Pentagon City for an adventure of another kind: shopping for a business suit. I have a really exciting job interview next week and I want to enter into it feeling as professional and confident as possible.

This should be an great evening. I am excited. Doesn't it make you want to go out and enjoy time to yourself?

Spark of Inspiration

I had a job interview today. Although I'm not sure how it went yet (I should know by next week), that is not the point of this blog. The point is, I've been in a MAJOR rut for...oh...2 years or so! Now, some parts of my life have definitely taken off, especially my love life and my academic life. However, the professional part of my life is still struggling, to say the least.

So the interview today reminded me of a real goal, and mission for my life. To be the most passionate, intriguing and fulfilled person possible. I want to have a job that is challenging, engaging, intellectual and fun. I want to ride a motorcycle to work. I want to be in the church choir. I want to be a hiker. I want to be half of the cutest couple on earth. I want to travel and live abroad. I want to be active and healthy, well into my 90's. I want to love my life - EVERY part of it.

Now this isn't to say there won't be parts of my job, the church choir, the hiking, the exercise, some of the travel experiences, and my relationships that will be unenjoyable. However, the overall tone of my life will be balanced and enjoyable.

So there you have it. I'm inspired to achieve these goals. I want to live a passionate, intriguing, and fulfilling life!

Balance Buster: Internet Addiction

Ironic, that I am on the internet writing about this particular buster of balance. The subject of internet addiction came up during my counseling class last night and it got me thinking. This might be a somewhat long and often tangential blog; for that, I apologize in advance.

I'll try to keep it as short and sensible as possible. So here goes:

I am a self-proclaimed internet addict. However, I don't know too many people in my generation who aren't. I mean, we practically grew up with the internet. The internet is used heavily for shopping, entertainment, socialization, research and education, and heck, I even met the man I'm going to marry online. So it's not all-in-all a bad thing. However, it can tend to get overwhelming, time consuming, wasteful, and just plain addictive.

Let me give you an example. Right now I do clerical work, so 95% of my workday is spent sitting in front of a computer screen. To be honest, this drives me insane, but right now it is the means to an end. This means that for nearly 8 hours every day I am tempted by the vastness of the web. It is hard to resist constantly looking up new information, checking facebook for updates, finding new blogs to keep me informed on different subjects, watching random youtube videos, and the gazillion other options offered within the giant chasm of the web. No wonder it seems that some people are working more hours and getting less done! Thankfully, I am not addicted to shopping or in an intimate relationship with a blackberry - I cringe to think where I'd be if that were the case!

The other thing is, the internet is the primary reason for my case of information overload. I mean, I can find arguments on any side of any topic I want to look into. It's disgusting really. I mean, I love having information and all but come on! For a person like me who suffers from "analysis paralysis", I feel like I have to look up every single angle of anything before I make a decision. I feel inclined to give another example here. I am trying to get my IRA where I want it to be...and I know that at my young age I need to invest in more aggressive things such as mutual funds, stocks, etc. Well, right now my money is just kind of sitting because I can't figure out which company to get my IRA with, which stocks to put them in, etc. The more I read, the more overwhelmed I get and the less likely I am to buckle down and make a decision. Right now, I have more than enough info to proceed, I just need to do it. But do I? No, I'd rather just keep looking up information til I explode. Oy! It can get so aggravating.

I could write more on the subject, but I hope the point has gotten across. Just in case that is not the case, here is the moral of the story: the internet is a dangerous necessity. It's hard to operate in today's culture without being very versed in the internet. However, it is easy to become consumed. I can spend hours upon hours online without even knowing it. I juggle between windows - reading a blog here, writing a blog there, checking a facebook status here, watching a youtube video there, etcetera, ad nauseam. Instead of feeling productive, I feel as though several hours of my very existence has gone to waste. I know that is a little overboard, but I look back and think how much I would have rather finished one of the good books I'm reading, called a friend, taken a walk, or done something more active. I know the choice is mine, I just need to learn to start consciously making that choice.

There are numerous habits I am trying to develop in my life, especially those related to health. So why don't I take the time I'm often "wasting" online doing nothing and go for a run, or cook some meals to take to work as lunch, or something like that? Instead of being obsessed with facebook updates, I should read a book that I might actually gain some knowledge from. Instead of reading that "Bob is enamoured with his new argyle sweater" I want to read about how to communicate better with friends.

I'd like to turn my love/hate relationship with the internet more toward love.

Balance Buster: Saving for Retirement

First of all, WOW - it has been far too long since Greg and I have written. Sorry. I attribute it to laziness, but it will stop, because I miss blogging. That being said, let me delve into today's post.

I figured I could piggyback on the previous post of "financial balance". In addition to sometimes having a hard time finding the line between saving and spending, I'm also having issues finding another fine line: saving for retirement vs. living in the now. I understand that any "financial guru" I speak with will tell me to max out all my retirement savings, and I do think that's a good idea. However, right now, I don't think I have the means to do that. If I were to truly max out a Roth, that would be more than 20% of my income, and that's not including savings for short term goals. And once I put that money in there, I can't touch it. I mean, yes I would love to have a healthy retirement, but at the same time, we are never guaranteed time on this earth. I do think it's important to save for the far-away future, but I also think it's important live every day in the present.

For example, I don't want to wait until I'm 70 to travel the world. I want to start now! I mean, what if I'm not around when I'm 70, or what if I'm disabled. Of course I don't want these things to happen, but life is unpredictable. I know I can't have everything now, and it is important to let my money grow and work for me, but I believe it is equally as important to do the most with the time we are given. So until I start earning more money, I will fund my retirement account to the best of my ability, but I will also not allow myself to feel guilty about taking a wonderful vacation with the love my life instead of funding it to the max.

Just my two cents! Look for more later.

Financial Balance

As I alluded to in my post on Wednesday, I have been BOMBARDED with ideas to write about. One area I've been working on lately is finances and trying balance those out. By balance in this context I don't mean like balance an account, I mean balance spending habits. I've never been bad with finances by any means - the only real debt I've had is in the form of student loans. However, lately I've been on this saving splurge. With the prospect of a wedding, down payment on a home and a few other possible major purchases looming I've set VERY high financial goals for myself. There is a part of me that feels like this is causing me to avoid truly living in the moment.

Don't get me wrong, I don't ever want to be a major spender and go out to dinner every night, feel the need to blow money on alcohol, buy a new car, make major purchases I don't need, or anything like that. However, there is some merit to truly living and enjoying the money you have been given. It's almost as if I'm afraid to spend money on anything other than basic necessities. Granted I am planning to splurge on a few vacations coming up this summer, but other than that I'm fine to just get by.

There has been some fun in this - finding creative ways to make really cheap, yet very tasty meals; figuring out what inexpensive and even free things there are to do around my area; taking up new hobbies, etc. However, I want to make sure I don't become "cheap" or miserly. So I have to find my balance. I think that simply by keeping this in mind, I'll remember to find the balance between spending and saving, but just wanted to let everyone in on what's rolling around in my brain this morning.

Family Tie(down)s

Greg here.

The other day, Rachel sent me that article she was talking about on the Get Rich Slowly blog.

It was interesting to hear about another person in a situation similar to my own. So I don't confuse who I am referencing, I'm going to call the Rachel that wrote in to that blog Rachel2.

Rachel2 writes that she was in a financially stable situation, but that her parents are not. Her parents went through a divorce and were both irresponsible with their finances, squandering what they had through various means. Rachel and I can both relate to this. Both our parents have not been the best with money over the years.

But I am experiencing this very situation right now. My parents have been in the stages of divorce for over 2 1/2 years now. Neither talk about it much, but I suspect their reasons for dragging it out so long are the lawyer fees associated with it, and the emotional attachment my father refuses to let go of. Regardless, my mom wasn't getting what she needed in the relationship, and seeing as how shes been married three different times since she was 16, she started her mid-life crisis in full swing. She bought a new truck just when gas prices were beginning to hit all time highs. She bought a motorcycle and broke both her feet before selling it to me as my own starter bike. She bought a boat. She sold the boat. She proceeded to try motorcycling again and went through a succession of scooters that drove her straight into bankruptcy for a second time. My father gambles online, has multiple loans taken out just to be able to pay bills, and hates going to work to the point that he takes off for the smallest thing and many times does not get paid enough to pay the bills between covering loan payments and his ex-wife's child support that he didn't take care of over the years. He has gone through several elective surgeries on his legs that he insisted on--and several doctors told him he didn't need--just to get out of work, hence the loans. He is now considering bankruptcy as well.

Both of my parents shirked the responsibility of taking care of this family, so I picked up where they left off. My mom was always around to keep everybody else in check--my dad is...well...let's just call him quirky to the point of being strange, my sister is a pack rat, and my brother is only now getting a job that will actually PAY him enough money to survive (not to mention get a car so I can actually use mine instead of loaning it to him and not seeing it for a month on end). Now that she is gone, I take care of the bills, clean the house, and take care of everything. I have become my mom, and it doesn't feel good.

I remember the night she told me she was moving out. She said she just needed space and time. I told her she'd be getting all of it she needed, because once she tasted the freedom of being away from my dad, she'd never come back. Since then I have tried a few times to set up one family member or another in an apartment with her and she has shirked that as well. I hate to say I told her so, but I told her so.

And how could I co-sign for her brand new car after she declared bankruptcy?

I have been trying to find balance in this weird weird situation for the past few years. The bills and the parental political situation is exacerbated by the fact that my sister's pack rat tendencies and my dad's lack of...well, caring...and having my mom around as a maid...have made the house a complete and utter mess.

I am still trying to clean it up.

And keep sane.

So I find myself totally relating to Rachel2, and I wish I could talk to her. I want to tell her to just hang in there, and do the best she can--don't get too tied in to your family's problems, because when it comes down to it, they probably won't help you with yours. If they're being that irresponsible with their own finances, they won't have the foggiest idea about how to help you keep yours stable.

I know how that sounds, but I told you what to expect.

By the way, in the middle of this blog I received a phone call from my sister about a doctor's appointment she just got out of. More on that later, I have to go put out another fire.

Habitual Balance

Life has become a bit more hectic this week - I began my second semester of graduate school yesterday. I should have written on Monday, but I got lazy. So here I am, Wednesday afternoon, finally getting to sort thoughts. I'm starting to feel like I could really write about anything and everything. For me, it's not a lack of topics that hinders my writing...it is the opposite. I find so much inspiration and I want to write about it all.

Let me give you an example. I've become a regular reader of a few blogs during the past few months, namely Get Rich Slowly and Get Fit Slowly. Last Thursday evening two of those blogs posted entries discussing balance within the area of focus: finances and physical fitness. The article focusing on finances discussed a girl, ironically with the same name as me, who was experiencing an inner battle about financial values. While she was doing well, her family was not. Here is a portion of the entry which struck me most:

"Some readers will say, “Give up and move on.” Others will say, “Family comes first.” But to me (and, apparently, to Rachel), it’s not that easy. There’s a balance to be found. But how? Where is that balance? It’s a difficult question. As a reference point, I consulted my library of 141 personal finance books. Do you know how many discussed this issue? One."

This is exactly what I mean. Life is full of so many variables; the challenge, and in my opinion the rewards, from life come when it is all in line with what we value.

The other blog entry about fitness also had mention of balance:

"I mean, I know I did that stuff, but it’s not sustainable. I’m getting ahead of myself. What I need is balance."

Before this quote the author was speaking of a day when he was beginning to get ahead of himself after taking on too much at once. This entry came immediately after a weekend where he engaged in a 12 mile run followed by a 30 mile bike ride. Holy crap! I know I couldn't sustain that either, even back when I was in better physical shape. What got me about this particular quote echoes what was mentioned in my first entry: it's hard to stay in balance when we're totally focused on one thing.

That being said, here is what these two posts got me thinking (bear with me here): there has to be balance in MAINTAINING balance. You see, we can't always be equally focused on certain things. Sometimes, our health needs to be a priority, like when we are trying to lose weight or get in better shape. Once that becomes somewhat of a habit, we can then shift our focus onto another area, while still maintaining that portion of our life. This led to a discovery which may not be groundbreaking for everyone, but it was for me.

Thus, my "deep thought" for the day is this: balance is achieved through the development of habits.

Balance Buster: Comparison

I am in no way, shape or form the expert on balance. I want to co-author this blog in order to talk about the journey toward one of my life goals--to MAINTAIN balance. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis and I experience most moments of major self-discovery when I write and reflect.

Also, I want to make a disclaimer that, in contrast to Greg's posts, mine are going to seem uber-fluffy and touchy-feely. But hey, that's just how I am...and frankly, that's why we work so well. Right honey? I give Greg the little lift he needs and he brings me back down to earth when my head is WAY too far in the clouds.

Today I want to focus on the following definition of balance (the first on the list): A state of equilibrium or parity characterized by cancellation of all forces by equal opposing forces. My least favorite, and as those who are close to me can attest to, the most difficult and damaging of my "opposing forces" is an ugly, ugly feeling called jealousy. It has affected my life in many different ways, but I am going to focus on the form I often struggle with the most: comparison. I know it's only human to compare, but I do it to a fault. This has put strain not only on relationships, but also on my personal goals and dreams. I compare the way I look, the way I speak or sing, how much money I have, and even my personal faith with others, often on a more than daily basis. It's really hard to feel in balance, let alone adequate, when I consistently compare myself with someone who, in my opinion, is skinnier, prettier, more naturally talented, wealthier, or even at a more mature stage in her faith. I do this with friends, strangers, and even celebrities. It's a nasty habit. This--comparison--is the opposing force I need to cancel, or at least tame.

The one slightly positive angle is this - I find myself making comparisons in the areas where I feel least adequate and most unbalanced. For example, if I'm feeling out of balance in my physical appearance and uncomfortable with the way I look, I'll find myself pining away at pictures of beautiful women. Or if I'm feeling low in my spiritual life, I'll see women who were once spiritual mentors and feel jealous of their faith. This jealousy causes me to feel EVEN WORSE and more inadequate in these areas. I feel more ugly. I feel less spiritual.

One of the WORST instigators of this horrible affliction I have is Facebook. I am always drawn to the status messages and photo albums of the numerous people I regularly compare myself to. Not to mention that, for me, social networking sites are the cause of more wasted time than anything else...including television. Curse you addictive networking sites. Curse you!

So the ultimate question is, how can I tame this opposing force of comparison? Does anyone else struggle with this?

My Side of the Equation

Greg here.

So this is my first official blog entry. I don't believe I've ever blogged or online-journaled before, so bear with me as I figure this, and myself, out.

That's really what this blog is about--Rachel and me figuring ourselves out, and hopefully providing some answers and advice for some of you who may be in similar situations. I tend to be pretty literal and logical, so my posts may not be as lofty as my counterpart; but I believe that is needed as well to, well, balance us out.

I'm 22, in the middle of paying my way through college with a full-time waiting job (soon to expand and be even busier with an attached wine shop), and live a half hour away from Rachel up one of the busiest stretches of highway in the country. My parents are currently split up, and I have taken the responsibility of taking care of the bills, my disabled sister, and my not-so-young younger brother. It's been exceptionally hard trying to balance all of that with attempting to have some sort of social life and maintaining my relationship (as well as my sanity), but this is probably the best I've felt about my life in a very long time...maybe even my entire life.

From me, you'll hear stories, quips, bitching, cynicism...I may not always agree with Rachel, but we always figure it out.

Create a LIFE to be passionate about!

First of all a brief introduction. My name is Rachel and I am a 26-year-old woman trying to create and maintain my life of passion. However, I am not alone in this mission: I am part of a team. Our pen name is "The Lowe Writers". Cheesy or clever. I choose clever. My partner in crime, Greg, and I have been excited by the idea of blogging, and sharing our struggles, triumphs, joys, laughter, and simple advice with those willing to listen.

The specific topic of "balance", often pertaining to my lack of such, has been brought up within the constraints of my often over-packed life consistently since my time as an undergraduate student. I am taking it as a sign that perhaps this is a topic I should write about, not only because it continually crosses my path, but because it is something I struggle with constantly. Since graduation in 2004, I have been heavily consumed with finding "work" I'm passionate about. However, I am finally coming to the realization that work is only one part of my life. Yes it takes up a good chunk of my day and yes I want to like what I do, but no matter WHAT job I choose there are going to be days I hate getting up in the morning and portions of the work that I would prefer not to do. So that's why I am now placing the focus on finding passion in the design of my LIFE...in its entirety.

In my experience, the primary obstacle of creating a passionate life is a lack of balance. Sure there are numerous articles about how to balance work and family, how to balance a budget, how to achieve physical balance through Yoga, but I'm talking about the bigger picture: balancing an entire life. Our existence contains so many spheres - we have our work life, home life, love life, family life, emotional life, spiritual life, physical life, financial life, etc. How is it possible to keep all of these in check and in balance?

I believe balance is the most difficult, and most rewarding part of life. It may be easy to succeed at one thing if it becomes a sole focus. Take getting fit for example: if this was the sole focus in my life it would be easy to spend all my free time at the gym, cooking healthy meals, and paying personal trainers to help me get rid of those blasted love handles and so on and so on. But then what would happen to the other portions of my life? My love life for example. I'm sure my partner would not be happy that instead of making time for him, I am now only making time for the weight machine. Maybe at the beginning he or she will appreciate the effort because you are taking care of yourself, but soon will begin to resent the fact that they are home alone during you usual date night. Personal trainers are expensive as well, so my financial life may also be adversely affected. Physical fitness is very important, but I do not want it to be the focus of my life; I want it to be part of my life.

I'd like to take this "first" entry to focus on the meaning of balance. Yes, I am guilty of performing the cliche act of looking up the definition in an online dictionary, but to my surprise there were far more definitions than I imagined. Here are the most applicable:

1) A state of equilibrium or parity characterized by cancellation of all forces by equal opposing forces.

2) The power or means to decide and outcome by throwing one's strengths, influence, support, or the like, to one side or the other.

3) A state of bodily equilibrium or the ability to MAINTAIN bodily equilibrium.

4) A stable mental or psychological state; emotional stability.

5) A harmonizing or satisfying arrangement or proportion of parts or elements, as in a design.

6) An influence or force tending to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.

7) The difference in magnitude between opposing forces or influences.

I find it incredible that each of these definitions is so unique, yet so applicable to life. In posts to follow, my partner and I may focus on one or several of these definitions. But I felt this was a good base to start our journey of trial and discovery.